Ill Fated Love
by BeautifullyEmpty
Summary: Based on the romance between Elizabeth I and Sir Robert Dudley. An old story that I have improved. Will Hermione and Draco ever get their happy ending? Following Draco and Hermione from Hogwarts through to their adult lives struggling with careers, relationships and an abundance of pain and cruelty . AU story, there was never Lord Voldemort
1. Chapter 1

**This was published on this website about a year ago however I have updated/hopefully improved my work. I based this story around the relationship between Elizabeth I and Sir Robert Dudley. I have taken inspiration for this story from a BBC programme aired about eight years ago and one or two lines from the television show are peppered throughout this story. This story got a good reception when I first published it and fingers crossed new readers will like it just as much as the old ones did. **

Hogwarts 1997-1998 Aged 17-18

September

She ran as fast as she could through the dark corridors of the fifth floor, knowing this route by heart meant she knew exactly where to turn. She came to a halt at a portrait and whispering the password she darted towards the stairs and entered a room just as dark as the corridors. She crept over to the bed and gently shook the sleeping form,

"Great Hall". The person beneath the sheet moved swiftly, it was hard to imagine that she had even been sleeping. The second girl left just as quietly as the first had entered.

Draco was stood in the darkest corner of the Hall, flickering candles doing little to reveal his figure. The creaking of a door alerted him. She made her way into the room, walking down the centre between four long tables. As he stepped out of the shadows only his footsteps made her turn.

"You could have come sooner Hermione" he spoke quietly but with power, she smirked,

"Hardly, you gave me very little warning so what do you expect", Draco walked over to her so that only a table was between them. Draco rested his hands on the table and lent forward slightly.

"Isn't it more fun this way?"

"Perhaps. I assume you caught Ginny at an inopportune moment".

"I did. Blaise was not impressed". Hermione smiled and stepped back from the table, spinning around she opened her robe to reveal her appearance.

"Are you not going to comment on how I look, I did come her this evening despite the short notice?" Draco laughed quietly,

"So you wish for me to shower you with words of adoration like all your other boys do?" Hermione glared for a second and then giggled, she turned and Draco lunged across the table to grab her, pulling her onto it. Her back was against his chest and she could feel his heartbeat. He pulled her hair away from her neck and kissed up and down, "Come back to mine, like you used too" Hermione bent her head back further to give him better access,

"I can't, I will be found" Draco shook his head against her neck but didn't say anything else; he just continued to kiss up and down.

"Now I am back will you behave the same" he asked as he moved away, letting go of her waist. Hermione turned her head to look at him,

"If I'm not mistaken you are still dating Pansy Parkinson" Draco ran a hand through his hair and tried to conceal a sigh.

"Appearances sake, you know that", he looked annoyed that she had decided to mention this.

"She doesn't" Hermione hardened her stare,

"Who cares?" He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, "Don't punish me for my father's doings" Hermione manoeuvred herself so she was kneeling on the table, both at eye level with one another.

"I need to go back, before anyone wakes" he gripped her shoulders before she could move and kissed her hard, his lips covering hers, she returned the force, moaning softly. When she pulled away he nibbled her lip, taking as much as he could from her. She swung her legs off the table and then was gone.

Her laughter rang out in the Great Hall over breakfast as it did most mornings. Half of the eyes in the hall were fixed on her and the other half would sneak glances when they could. She was the girl who commanded this attention and no one questioned why, it was obvious why.

* * *

"Show me again Cormac" she demanded of him, her smile brightening his day. He would show her again and again and again, as many times as she could possibly want. The gentle caresses that she laid on his hand would make every man and boy in the room jealous, and it did. The only interruption that came to her morning was the entrance of Draco and Pansy as they walked over to the Slytherin table, and her attention wavered as she followed them with her eyes around the room. Cormac draws her back to him, touching her chin and telling her how beautiful she looks this morning, the caresses on his hand start up again after the brief pause. Along the table this interlude hasn't gone unnoticed.

"I can't believe she puts up with it" Harry said, gesturing towards Draco, "the way he looks at Hermione is enough to prove he isn't faithful". Ron turned to see Draco's eyes were fixed on Hermione, watching every interaction she had with Cormac.

"I don't know why Hermione bothers, this entire room knows who her favourite it, no one stands a chance, Cormac knows it, yet still he tries". Harry laughed,

"Yes but she can't have Draco so she might as well have someone else and Cormac knows that too" Harry said, Ron nodded,

"Nothing has happened with Draco and Hermione though, nothing public at least" Harry shrugged,

"I don't think Draco sees it like that, seeing as he is walking over here now" Ron swivelled round to see Draco walking towards Hermione with Pansy left behind looking miserable. Now all eyes in the room were on Hermione, Cormac and Draco.

Cormac looked up to see Draco stood behind Hermione, his face was relaxed, Cormac's was not. Draco leant down so his head was hovering next to Hermione's; he took her hand off of Cormac's and held it gently in his own. He didn't say anything, just stood there, watching them. Hermione bristled slightly, pulling her hand out of Draco's and continuing to look at Cormac.

"Your girlfriend does not look pleased; don't you think you should go back to her?" Cormac asked, although this was clearly not meant to be a question. Draco barely acknowledged that he had spoke,

"He is right, go back to her" Hermione spoke, he tone was clipped. Draco bent closer to her ear,

"I thought this was what you wanted, me fawning over you, me taking what is mine". Cormac watched closely, everyone in the hall was listening with strained ears to what was being said to their Head Girl. She stood without speaking and pushed him aside; grabbing her bag she marched out of the hall. Draco strode after her, and caught up with her at the top of the steps, before he reached her she span around,

"You cannot do that!" She shouted, "You are too familiar, people will know" Draco rolled his eyes,

"And whose cares if they do, you can do as you please; you are the Golden girl, head girl"

"Exactly, which means I can't look like your whore, you can't act like you do, especially in front of your girlfriend" He stepped towards her and backed her up against the wall,

"You can't treat me the way you treat all those other idiots, they don't know you like I do, I know every inch of you" to demonstrate this he trailed his hand up and down her side, grabbing her arse and pulling her towards him, she batting at his hand but he ignored her. He kissed her forcefully on the lips then dropped her, striding off down the corridor and leaving her alone. She called after him,

"You do not own me, no one does!"

* * *

December

Hermione was woken on Christmas morning not by the sounds of her parents preparing for the day or even from the excitement of it all, but by an owl tapping on her window. Throwing back the covers she bounded over to the window, recognising immediately whose owl this was, she opened the window and took the letter attached to its leg, as soon as she took it the owl flew away, she watched it until it disappeared over the houses. Hermione sat on her bed and began to read,

25/12/1997

Hermione

Forgive the intrusion of my letter and the earliness of when you shall receive it, I expect it will be early but this has been the only time I have been able to write and send a letter. Writing to you fills me with mixed emotions as it reminds me I am not with you and we are so far apart in so many ways. I will never get use to the feeling of not being with you despite the many months we have spent apart in the past.

All my love, Draco

She folded the letter after reading and placed it in a jewellery box by her bed along with every other he had ever sent her.

* * *

January

"Miss Granger, go sit with Mr Malfoy" Snape grumbled,

"That will be a productive partnership" Padma sniggered as Lavender commented on the Professors decision to pair them up. Hermione moved her belongings over to Draco; she smiled as she sat down.

"I missed you over Christmas, you didn't write" Draco looked at her, waiting for her excuse,

"I thought you would be with Pansy, I didn't want to intrude"

"You could never intrude, you know I wait for any word from you" Hermione lifted her hand to play with the hair on his neck, twiddling it between her fingers. When she was with him everyone else went away, even in a classroom surrounded by people they were alone, he captured her completely.

"I didn't dare, your father may have seen" Draco smirked,

"And why should that bother us" he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, him touching her broke the spell and she remembered where they were, Hermione dropped her hand and looked to the front of the classroom.

"You know exactly why, don't be an idiot" Draco shook his head, displaying an agitated look on his face,

"Will you meet me tonight?"

"You know I can't"

"Meet me, you can, I know you can" his hand crept under the desk and onto her leg, moving up until he reached the top. He began stroking over the top of her underwear, "meet me" he whispered softly, Hermione shook her head and was biting her lip. He pressed his thumb harder against her, "meet me" he whispered again, Hermione nodded this time.

"Where" she murmured,

"The Astronomy Tower, midnight".

* * *

Hermione was sprawled out on her back, a blanket keeping her comfy on the stone floor, Draco was on his side, using an arm to prop himself up. Hermione's head was angled towards him, staring up at him.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" She asked him, Draco looked down at her and smirked,

"Are you fishing for a compliment again?" Hermione swatted his chest,

"Answer the bloody question". Draco laughed.

"How do you mean?" Hermione looked up at the sky and spoke without looking at him,

"When you glance into someone's eyes from across a room and you see into their soul, you understand completely who they are and then from that moment on you need them in your life because if they aren't then you will be worse off because of it" Draco continued to watch her watching the stars, pondering her question,

"I will need you forever, is that good enough?" Draco didn't understand what she wanted him to say, Hermione turned her head towards him,

"It isn't about what's good enough; it's whether you believe in it". Both rested in silence for a minute or more, Hermione looking back to the stars, Draco watching her do it. A few moments later she turned back to him.

"Have you decided what you will be doing after we leave here?" she asked him, her fingers began playing with the buttons on his shirt,

"If you would let me I would follow you" she slapped him lightly on the chest and he laughed, "the Ministry, my father has had me a job set up there for years, start as soon as I leave". Hermione sighed,

"Does it not bother you that everything is laid out, you can't change anything"

"It has always been that way, my father isn't a man you defy, and I have always known what I am to do". Hermione looked up towards the sky; she bit her lip, deciding whether to ask her next question,

"If you could, what would you change?" Hermione continued to look upwards whilst Draco kept his eyes firmly on her.

"I would make it so that I never fell in love with you" Hermione stayed as she was, Draco watched for a reaction but none came because she knew what he meant, she had wished for the same before, she knew life would be easier if she wasn't in love with him and sometimes she just wanted life to be easy. Finally she turned her head towards him,

"You will be the death of me" she whispered to Draco, he sighed as his hand came down to stroke her cheek,

"We will be each other's end" he countered, but she shook her head,

"No, one day you will break my heart and I won't have the strength to walk away"

"You have already broken mine Hermione" she squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry,

"Don't" she whispered,

"Why, because it is easier for you if I do not say how I feel, ask me to leave her Hermione and I will" Hermione sat up making him do the same,

"Stop it, do not ask me to do what I can't" her eyes were red and her cheeks flushed,

"But you can, you can do anything" she became enraged and started to hit his arms, his chest, any part of him she could,

"Not this I can't and you know it, you just want to punish me, you are cruel Draco, you are so cruel" she hit harder, thumping his chest with her fists. He let her exhaust herself, allowed her to push and shove him, taking out her anger on him helped her. When she had stopped he kissed her; she kissed back and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of her.

* * *

"Everyone knows, it is so clear, you favour him above all others, it isn't right Hermione, he has a girlfriend" Harry was arguing with Hermione in the library, both of them sat in a far corner surrounded by piles of books.

"I treat him the same as I do any other boy here, it is no different" Harry let out a breath.

"That is a lie and you know it Hermione, how do you think it looks, Head Girl screwing around with someone who is in a relationship?" Hermione threw down her pen, a flicker of pure rage flashed across her face.

"We are doing nothing wrong; it is friendship, nothing else" Harry banged his fist down on the desk, causing the librarian to hush them, he spoke in furious whispers,

"Bollocks! I see you, I see you with him, how he is with you, that is more than friendship, think of Pansy, you may not like her but this is cruel, you practically flaunt your relationship with him" Hermione had the urge to slap her best friend across the face, how dare he speak to her like this,

"I don't know what you think gives you the right to interfere, but I am telling you Harry Potter, it is none of your business" Harry clenched his fists,

"You fawn over in each other, when you make it this public it is my duty to protect you, to tell you when you are doing wrong" Hermione batted his words away with her hand.

"Don't be ridiculous, I would not do such a thing, I am watched by a thousand eyes"

"Yes and a thousand eyes see how you look at him! Hermione until you admit what is going on you will never be able to move on from it" Hermione stammered on her words.

"But he is the only thing that makes me happy, why should I have to give that up" her eyes welled up and Harry grabbed her hands and held them tightly,

"You have to give him up" Hermione's chest tightened at the words Harry spoke, the thought of not seeing him everyday filled her with dread.

"I can't, I just can't" Harry squeezed her hands again,

"Hermione you must, think of your reputation, think of his, his family, you cannot progress the way you intend to in life if you insist on tying yourself to him, plus his family would never allow it anyway, there is no happy ending here, only hurt and pain".

* * *

April

Draco's attention was drawn towards his door, the faint footsteps first alerted him to a presence but it was the slipping of something under the door that made him stand and inspect it. Upon realising it was a letter he opened it swiftly,

11/04/1998

Dear Draco

I hope this letter finds its way to you and only you. I know it is foolish to send this to you with us still being at Hogwarts and even more so because it could ruin us but I can't say everything I want to whenever I want to so I must write. Sometimes I think that if I didn't have your letters to re-read I wouldn't even believe that you love me; this is not because you are not loving in person, it is because the time we spend together can be so fleeting that it barely registers with me. I am told by people that this relationship can never be the way we want it to be and I have come to accept that however, despite this, one way or another, I will never fully let you go, no matter what.

Always yours, Hermione x

He folded the letter back up and placed it in the small, hidden compartment in his school trunk where all the other letters from her were kept.

"Your father will surely find out, what will you do then?" Blaise was reclined on the sofa; the Slytherin Common room was empty except for himself and Draco.

"Find out what Zabini? I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about" Blaise rolled his eyes,

"Pansy knows, fuck sake, everyone knows" Draco put his hands behind his head,

"Pansy knows nothing, this is nothing to know, it is friendship" Blaise took his legs off the sofa and sat upright, looking at his friend.

"Be careful Draco, remember who she is, remember who you are, this will not end the way you want it to". Blaise stood and left the common room, leaving Draco behind, Blaise's words playing on his mind. Remember who she is. He leapt up suddenly and made his way to where he knew she would be.

He walked towards the weak glow of candlelight, knowing that he had been correct.

"Thought I would find you here" his voice made her jump but only slightly, she span quickly and practically launched herself at him, kissing his face all over and finally his lips.

"Godric I have missed you, it seems like we haven't been alone for weeks" Draco hugged her back with the same intensity, breathing her in and playing with her hair. "You got it then?" Hermione asked; Draco hummed into her neck signalling he had. He knew she was referring to the letter, they did not speak about them, discuss in person what they had written, they only acknowledged that they had been received. The letters were proof that their relationship was real, that the feelings they felt were real.

"I have had trouble getting away; it isn't easy getting you alone either" Hermione loosened her grip on him and pulled back, still in his arms but so she could see his face now.

"Well I have been preparing for exams, they are coming soon"

"Hermione, examinations are in June, its April" he had a slight smirk on his face, teasing her,

"These are our N.E.W.T.S Draco, they determine our future, I don't know how you can be so calm about this" during her small rant Hermione hasn't noticed that Draco had begun to unbutton her shirt and it was only when she felt a hand on her bare stomach did she realise. "Oh you bastard" she whispered softly, knowing that he was just looking to distract her but she didn't mind at all. He dropped to his knees and placed kisses on her stomach, kissing along the rim of the waistband on her skirt. Hermione's gentle moans rang out through the library which spurned Draco on even further, he couldn't resist the sounds she made. He shuffled on his knees, pushing her up against a bookshelf. His hands came up and rested on her hips, squeezing gently as he continued to kiss the smooth expanse of her skin. Hermione's hands gripped the shelving behind her, her knees were becoming weak in anticipation of what was next. As Draco reached around to unzip her skirt the sound of the library door opening made them both freeze.

"Shit" Hermione whispered, Draco pulled Hermione down to the floor, crawled over to the table, blew out the candle and hide them behind the desk. Hermione's breathing was getting so loud that Draco clamped his hand over her mouth.

"Shh" he whispered in her ear, "he will find us". Hermione's breathing quietened but she was still on edge. The footsteps they were listening to were getting louder.

"Who's here Mrs Norris" they heard Filch mumble to his beloved cat. Hermione tensed at his voice, even Draco was slightly nervous now; if they were caught it would not look good. He removed his hand from her mouth and drew her gaze to his, he put a finger over his lips to signal her to be quiet then slowly looking out from behind the desk, he saw Filch's footsteps moving in and out of the rows of bookshelves. He grabbed Hermione's bag and swept all of her books into it. Hermione suddenly realised what she would have to do and stiffened, she began shaking her head back and forth mouthing 'no'. Draco just nodded, looked out from the desk one more time then gripped Hermione's hand and dragged her up and ran towards to exit. Mrs Norris began hissing and crying and Filch heard footsteps moving rapidly.

"I'll find you!" he yelled after them but they had reached the doors and where running down the corridor, taking every turn they could so they ensured they lost him. After a while Draco slowed down, dropped Hermione's bag on the floor and turned towards her wiggling his eyebrows. He pushed her up against the wall and started kissing her neck. Hermione relented slightly but then pushed him away,

"Draco no" she whispered, "Are you insane, that was too close, we can't start up again in the open corridors of the school!" Draco rolled his eyes and ignored her, going back to kissing her neck again, up and down, nibbling on her collarbone and generally trying his best to distract her. She pushed him away again,

"Not here!" she whispered furiously. He groaned, picked up her bag, grabbed her hand and marched down the corridor and within minutes found a classroom which he quickly pulled her into. Hermione was dizzy from all the moving around but was eventually sat on the edge of a desk as her bag was launched past her head in the rush. Hermione started giggling and Draco just looked slightly outraged,

"What are you finding funny about this?" his look of indignation made her laugh even more, getting louder and louder. Draco just stood there watching her, a little grin on his lips. Once her giggling had subsided she spoke,

"You're just so funny sometimes, so impatient"

"Well you would be impatient too if you were this turned on" to prove his point he stood between her legs and brushed against her thigh, highlighting his hardness.

"How are you turned on? We nearly got caught by Filch; we could have got into serious trouble". Draco placed his hands on her lower back and pulled her closer to him so she was right on the edge of the table.

"Oh come on Hermione, you're telling me the idea of getting caught doesn't get you hot" Hermione shook her head,

"It certainly does not, it could damage our reputations" Draco raised an eyebrow,

"Ours?"

"Fine, just mine, but still, it was very stupid of us" Draco pushed against her again.

"I need you. Now." Draco spoke forcefully and it was a wonder that Filch didn't hear the sound of Hermione's laughter echoing down the halls.

* * *

Hermione sipped her Butterbeer slowly, half watching Ginny, half watching the door. Ginny had noticed this earlier but continued talking until it bored her.

"If he comes in she will be with him" Hermione focused on her friend, her eyes narrowed,

"Must you remind me" Ginny closed her eyes briefly for a second, preparing herself for this conversation,

"Let him go"

"No" the answer was swift, no hesitation, Ginny had expected just as much.

"You are being selfish" Hermione turned a shade of red, her voice dropped,

"Selfish, you think it is selfish to hold onto the one person I love, you don't know what it is like, I can't openly love him; not the way I want to, not the way _she _can" Ginny didn't like Hermione like this, bitter, angry at someone who wasn't to blame but it was a side of her that she had become used to.

"It isn't Pansy's fault, you know that, you are not the victim Hermione, she is" Hermione slammed her drink onto the table, stood up and marched out of the pub. She pulled her coat around her, bracing herself against the cold. When the air hit her it cleared her mind making her see that she was wrong to leave Ginny, as she turned to walk back into the pub and apologise, Cormac came out, nearly head butting Hermione.

"Oh Godric, Hermione, I'm sorry" Cormac spoke quickly, checking her to see if he had hurt her, they had only bumped into one another so Hermione wasn't quite sure why he was so worried.

"No no, it's fine, my fault completely, wasn't looking" she smiled weakly,

"Are you ok?" Hermione nodded and flashed him another weak smile, it was doing nothing to persuade him, he stepped closer and lifted his hand to touch her cheek but before he was able to do so a spark hit him and he was propelled twenty feet into the air. Hermione jumped but before she even thought to move to check on him a cloaked figure with a dash of white raced past her and jumped onto Cormac who was on his back on the floor. Realisation hit and Hermione ran towards to the two men.

"Draco! Get off him!" before she reached them Draco had landed a punch and was going for another one, "DRACO" her scream made him stop, get off him and turn towards her, waiting for his punishment. She knelt down next to Cormac and got out her wand,

"Cormac, I am so sorry, are you ok?" he nodded but winced in pain, Hermione was constantly apologising as she cast a spell to fix the broken noise and sore head. She stood and pulled Cormac up with her; Draco was still stood there in silence. Cormac walked away from the two of them, Hermione watched him go until he was out of sight, then she rounded on Draco.

"What the hell was that!" she had to refrain from screaming, "Are you fucking insane!" Draco lifted his head,

"He was going to touch you" it was just above a mumble, Hermione rolled her eyes,

"I have been touched by others Draco, like I have said before, you do not own me" he stepped closer to her,

"He was going to touch you ... here" his hand hovered by her cheek, "only I can touch you on this spot, it is mine" he didn't touch her, he would wait for her to move into his hand and within moments she did. He brushed her cheek gently, his thumb rough against her skin which felt like satin. "Say you are just mine", Hermione nodded,

"I am just yours"

"No one else's" he mumbled as he gently pushed her backwards, going further into the wooded area, protecting them from prying eyes.

"No one else's" she repeated just as asked.

Ginny came out of the pub after overhearing someone telling a group of sixth years about Draco's actions outside; she looked around, searching for Hermione. Her eyes caught a glimpse of them surrounded by trees, she watched their interactions, she couldn't work out what was being said but their body language said enough, they were both idiots if they thought no one knew.

* * *

July

Once again Ginny was making her way through darkened corridors as she ran to the Gryffindor Common room. She made her way to Hermione's room, woke her and spoke in a hushed tone,

"Go, but be careful, it is not good". Panic flashed across Hermione's face but just like every other time before; she grabbed her robe, wrapped it around her and made her way to the Great Hall. When she entered she saw him immediately, he was stood in the middle of the hall, waiting, watching the doors. She went to him and clutched his face between her hands,

"What is it?" Draco gripped her around the waist, holding her to him,

"My father, he is making me marry Pansy" the words hit Hermione like a tonne of bricks, her blood turned cold and she froze,

"When?" she stammered, barely able to get one word out,

"After graduation" her eyes widened, she tried to step back but his grip on her tightened,

"I don't understand, so soon, so young" Draco shook his head,

"Not in my family, I must start my life as soon as I leave here" Hermione rubbed her forehead, avoiding his gaze,

"So, what, erm, what does this mean?" Draco shook her slightly, forcing her to look at him,

"Hermione say the word and we will run away, I won't do it, we can go, go anywhere we like, just say you want to and we will leave now" Hermione put her hand to his face again, he relaxed into the gesture,

"Draco, we, I, we can't" his eyes hardened, scanning her face,

"Why? We can do what we like" Hermione dropped her head then rose to face him,

"We have lives here, we have responsibilities, I want the life I have planned" Draco looked at with disbelief,

"Screw responsibilities, there are more important things than some job at the bloody Ministry of Magic, don't you want a life with love?" Hermione pulled away from him and this time he let her,

"Why should I have to choose, can't I have both?" Hermione's lip quivered and Draco seemed to get angrier,

"If you want both then I cannot be the man you choose to love" Hermione remained quiet, clutching her stomach, not wanting to look him in the eye, they stood there in silence, him looking at her, her looking at the floor.

"Well it appears you have made your decision" Draco spoke, breaking the silence, he walked past her, making his way out,

"Draco!" she cried, spinning round, he stopped but did not look back, "She is quiet beautiful, perhaps it will not be so bad, to be married to her". Draco left without turning around, leaving her alone in the Great Hall. He heard her crying as he walked down the corridors, her sobs soon turning into screams.


	2. Chapter 2

19/10/1998

Dear Draco

I know the last time we spoke I hurt you, but you hurt me too Draco, this is no easier for me than it is for you and it is cruel of you to treat me this way. We have no choice, we cannot run, we have to own up to the decisions we made, running achieves nothing.

Hermione x

06/03/1999

Hermione

Tomorrow fills me with nothing but dread but I hope that the knowledge that you could have prevented it makes you feel just as terrible as I do. Seeing me marry her will only be the punishment you deserve for putting us in this situation, I will think of nothing but you tomorrow and always.

Draco

31/12/1999

Dear Draco

The New Year is supposed to mean new beginnings but new beginnings will not bring me what I want. I want to revisit the past, to be with you again, I wish to remain in the past because the idea of living in the present destroys me.

Hermione x

16/05/2000

Hermione

It has only been a day since I was last with you but I long for you. The idea that we should ever be apart was absurd, it is impossible to keep me from you.

Draco

27/11/2000

Dear Draco

I'm sorry about last week, I know it was my fault, I don't want to argue but seeing you with her, I don't know how I have gone on as I have been, this will surely kill me"

Hermione x

24/06/2001

Hermione

I'm getting bored of your little bouts of guilt and regret, stop ignoring me, stop ignoring my letters, we both know it won't last, I'll be back in your bed by the end of the week so stop being a stupid child, I expect a reply within the hour.

Draco

24/12/2001

Dear Draco

Just like every year I wish that I would be with you tomorrow but just like every year I know that this is impossible, I wish I was braver, I wish I had been braver.

Hermione x

06/06/2002

Hermione

I did not like seeing you with another man today and to be frank I don't expect to see it in the future. You are mine Hermione, you always have been and you always will be and to see you parading that other bloke under my nose was childish and petty, if I see him again I will kill him.

Draco

* * *

The Ministry 2003-2004 Aged 23-24

January

"Shouldn't you be working?" Hermione asked, not even looking up from her desk.

"I thought you liked my daily visits, constantly worshipping your beauty" this time she looked up into the grey eyes of the man opposite her, she smiled then rolled her eyes.

"Well how can I throw you out now" she smirked slightly and he tilted his head slightly,

"Ah ha, my plan works" he stood up and wandered around her office, "I assume you are going to the annual Ministry Ball next week". Hermione leant back in her chair and twirled her quill between her fingers,

"Of course, wouldn't miss it for the world, I even have a date" Draco spun his head quickly to look at her.

"Who?" Draco's eyes darkened as he waited for Hermione's answer.

"Timothy Stanford" she replied, taking in his anger and annoyance, well if he was going to be bringing his wife she certainly wasn't going to turn up alone, she had been to enough of these events to know that it wasn't fun being left behind.

"You have never brought a date before, why this year?" he asked, still sounding slightly put out.

"Because Harry and Ron have dates this year, and I didn't want to be a third wheel, to them or you" Draco walked over to her desk and bent over it so he was closer to her,

"Hermione, you know you come before any other" she stood up and walked around the front of the desk to stand by him,

"Yes, but you cannot show it, not in public and I don't want to be stood there alone, I can't keep watching you with her" Draco took her hand in his,

"Yes, but Stanford? Really? He is such a git" Hermione removed her hand from his so she could hit him,

"He is perfectly fine" Draco laughed,

"Oh perfectly fine, there's something every man wishes to be called" Hermione's lip tighten,

"Oh shut up Draco, you're growing tiresome"

"Oh am I, well I don't care, are you planning to go home with him?" Hermione wavered a little.

"Well if I do that's really none of your business" Draco's head recoiled slightly,

"It bloody well is my business; you think I'll let you go home with him!" his voice was getting louder, as was Hermione's.

"Well if I do you can't complain, you will be going home with your wife!" Draco moved very quickly towards her so they were inches apart, she didn't flinch, she just waited for his response, this time he whispered.

"Yeah well we all know whose fault that is don't we". Before she could speak Draco turned and stormed out of her office, slamming the door and generally making as much noise as he could. Hermione remained as she was, gripping the desk and trying not to cry.

* * *

Hermione had been almost hiding in the corner of the room with Harry and Ron. Dressed in a long green silk backless dress she should have been at the centre of everything, flaunting her beauty and making every man turn his head but her date was rather persistent and staying in the shadows was safer.

"My Godric this is just like Slughorn's Slug Party in sixth year" Hermione mumbled, Harry and Ron just laughed.

"I can't believe you are over here hiding Hermione, its ridiculous" Hermione looked angrily at Harry,

"Coming from you, you're hiding as well!" Harry nudged Ron for support,

"Yes, but that's only because my date is a psychopath" Ron started laughing,

"Oh she isn't that bad Harry" she said, eyes darting around the room for any sign of Draco, she had seen him a few times but Pansy had been hanging onto him for the whole of the evening.

"She barely lets me out of her sight, she would have followed me into the bathroom if Ron hadn't of stopped her" Hermione started to giggle this time, all three of them laughing loudly.

"And what about you Ron, where is your date?" Harry asked, Ron looked a little sheepish,

"Oh, I, well, she saw me kissing someone else so left" Hermione just hung her head in shame,

"Oh Godric Ron, the poor girl" Ron looked guilty as Hermione laid into him.

"Come on Hermione, you can't hide in the corner when you look like this" Harry spoke and took her hand, "we are dancing". Hermione wavered slightly then relented.

"Fine, but if Stanford comes anywhere near me you have to hit him, hit him till he falls to the floor then for good measure kick him" Harry rolled his eyes and pulled Hermione to the dance floor. She placed one hand on his shoulder and one on his arm. The song was slow and gentle and Hermione only had to sway to it, her favourite kind of dancing.

"She hasn't left his side all evening" Harry commented when he saw Hermione glancing around the room. She turned back to him,

"Is it that obvious?" she grimaced and Harry nodded,

"Hermione it has been obvious since fourth year" Hermione let out a small laugh,

"I can't give him up"

"I know, again, something that me and Ron have known for quite some time, even during that stupid separation period that you went through after graduation, that was never going to last". As Harry stopped speaking a hand tapped him on the shoulder,

"Mind if I cut in?" Harry turned his head to see a flash of blond and knew that was his cue to leave, he dropped his hands from Hermione and walked back to Ron.

"Haven't seen you with Stanford tonight" Draco smirked as he spoke, taking Hermione by the waist and taking the lead.

"He is rather intense; I have been hiding with Harry and Ron all evening". The hold that they were in was closer than Hermione and Harry's had been, Draco's arm was around Hermione's waist and she was pulled flush against him, her arms were around his neck, it was the pose of intimate lovers.

"It is a crime to hide in this dress" as he spoke he surveyed her appearance, giving her an appreciative look. Hermione blushed, and looked down. Without warning Draco dipped her, her hair almost touching the ground, he pulled her back up quickly so their lips were millimetres from touching, neither moved from the position, both looking at one another with such deep love that it blocked out the room.

On the sidelines Harry and Ron watched on, along with many others in the room.

"It's a good job journalists aren't allowed here tonight" Ron said to Harry, Harry nodded in agreement.

"Everyone here knows anyway, what does it matter if others do?" Ron smiled,

"Have you seen Pansy" Ron pointed to her as he spoke, Harry followed his finger.

"Dear Godric, you've got to feel sorry for the poor cow, knowing your husband doesn't love you and then you have to watch him dance with the woman that he actually does love, why does she stay with him?"

"Money, appearances, you can't imagine their families get much choice, Draco wouldn't have married her if he had the option not too" Harry nodded again and they both watched Hermione and Draco dance, their bodies glued together and noses brushing. "Where is Stanford?" Harry suddenly remembered that he was still here. Ron nudged him and nodded towards a man leaning against the pillar closest to them.

"Poor sod" both men said in unison.

* * *

April

Hermione almost threw her dinner up in the air when Draco apparated into her flat, the shock of his sudden appearance terrified her.

"For fuck sake Draco" she screamed as she jumped up, placing her plate on the table in preparation to yell at him, "you scared me half to death!" Draco didn't look fazed; he merely walked over to her and took her hands,

"I'm sorry, I didn't have time to send an owl, something has happened" Hermione eyes narrowed,

"Draco, last time you looked like this you told me you were marrying Pansy, I can't take news like that again, I wouldn't cope". Draco took a deep breath,

"She's pregnant". Two words and Hermione felt like someone had thrown a bowling ball at her stomach, she felt physical pain and she went so white that Draco sat her back down on the sofa and sat next to her. "Hermione, I'm so sorry, I only found out earlier today", she knew he was speaking but she wasn't taking any of it in, she just sat motionless, the only thing in her mind was his two words, 'she's pregnant, she's pregnant', going around in her head like a record on repeat.

"How far along?" she whispered, turning her head towards him, Draco was paler than usual, his eyes were bloodshot and he looked in pain just like Hermione,

"Three months"

"So she will be showing soon" her voice was weak, barely a whisper. Draco nodded in answer to her question. "You need to go" Hermione stood suddenly, not really knowing where she got her strength from. Draco looked dazed,

"What, no, Hermione" he got up and reached for her hand,

"Go Draco, she is pregnant, you have to be with her, you are having a child" Hermione closed her eyes and breathed deeply, trying everything she could to hold back tears.

"Hermione we need to talk, I don't love her, this doesn't change anything" listening to him just made her angrier and she burst,

"Oh you idiot Draco! This changes everything, it doesn't matter that you don't love her, she is having your child, you can't escape that fact, you can't continue to see me when you have a child, its wrong" Hermione wiped the tears that had begun to fall.

"I won't stop seeing you because of this, we have been together for nine years, I won't give you up" Draco was yelling now, both were red faced and screaming at one another.

"We aren't together Draco; you are with Pansy, your wife"

"AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT" Draco yelled loudest of all, Hermione was stunned into silence, he had said this to her many times, he had blamed her for their situation but this time was different, he wasn't just angry, he was hurt and upset and just as devastated as she was. They both stood watching one another, Hermione rubbed her eyes and spoke,

"I know" she said softly and then broke down, her sobs filled the room, louder than both hers and Draco's screams put together. Her rushed to her side and held her whilst she wept openly against him, tears streaming down her face that dampened his shirt. She tried to speak but Draco couldn't understand a word she was trying to say, it just came out as noise, broken chokes that he couldn't make sense of. He stroked her hair and waited for her to calm down enough so that she could speak. Eventually her breathing became calmer,

"I can't do it, I can't watch you raise a child with her" Draco didn't speak; he just stayed where he was, stroking her hair and breathing in her scent. "Don't make me do it Draco, don't make me watch" she began crying again and buried her face into her chest. He gently shushed her,

"Shh shh, it's ok, you don't have to, it will be ok, everything will be ok"

* * *

Hermione and Ron sat outside Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour and watched the shoppers in Diagon Alley. Hermione had been numb since Draco's news and as much as she tried to enjoy her time with her friends, nothing could take her mind from Pansy's pregnancy.

"Hermione, you need to face this sooner or later, do you want to talk?" Hermione shook her head; she was still facing the busy street, her ice cream almost untouched. It was only the acid in the next voice that spoke to her that drew her out of her trance.

"Hermione, how are you?" Hermione looked up into the face of Pansy who was stood next to their table. Ron looked trapped; he looked at Hermione with a worried look on his face. Pansy had a broad grin on her face and she was rubbing her tummy. Hermione gave her a weak smile,

"I'm good thank you Pansy, yourself?" Hermione noted the actions of Pansy, the focus that she was drawing towards her stomach, it was still flat but Hermione knew what she was doing.

"Oh I'm wonderful, got some amazing news, me and Draco are expecting" Pansy's grin was reaching her ears and she watched for Hermione's reaction, when she didn't get what she wanted she realised that she already knew.

"Congratulations, that's lovely news" Hermione didn't sound convincing at all and Ron looked incredibly awkward. Pansy wasn't satisfied so continued to speak,

"Yes, it is isn't it, Draco is so excited, he wants a little boy, you know, someone with his white blond hair and gorgeous grey eyes, he hasn't been able to stop talking about it, Lucius and Narcissa are obviously thrilled, they couldn't wait for us to start a family" Ron watched Hermione just as Pansy did and he saw that every time Pansy spoke Hermione died a little.

"Really happy for you Pansy but me and Hermione have somewhere to be" Ron stood and took Hermione by the arm and dragged her away, past the crowds and into a quiet side street. He noticed her red eyes and quivering lip,

"Hermione, don't let her get to you" Hermione just laughed,

"I'm the other woman Ron, if anything she was nice to me, I deserve everything I get" Ron rubbed his head, as much as he loved Hermione he couldn't argue with her, they all knew what she was doing was wrong.

"Yes, but, oh come on, she knows Draco doesn't love her, he never has, she understands the situation, it's not as if you stole him away" Hermione just shrugged, she was tired, physically and emotionally, the constant crying over the past week had taken everything out of her and any strength she had remaining went into just carrying herself around from day to day.

"How can I justify staying with him Ron? Surely nothing is worth all this pain" Ron could only watch his best friend crumble before his eyes, there was nothing he could do.

* * *

The pub was full to the brim, people milling in and out, shouts and conversations filling the air, just a typical Friday night in the Leaky Cauldron.

"Have you spoken to her since last week?" Ron shook his head to Harry's question and sipped his beer, Harry looked to Ginny,

"I haven't either, well only tonight when I told her we were meeting here for a drink but she didn't say much, only that she may turn up; she didn't mention the Pansy incident".

"How bad was it?" Harry asked, looking at Ron again, Ron grimaced slightly.

"It wasn't nice, I mean I know Pansy is angry and yes, she has every right to be but Hermione just looked broken, it was horrible". Ginny sipped her drink and looked around the room, trying to see if Hermione was anywhere but who she spotted was far worse.

"Oh shit, shit shit shit!" she looked back to Ron and Harry with a panicked face, "look whose walked in" Harry and Ron both turned to see Draco, Pansy and a group of their friends stroll into the pub. Harry went to stand but Ginny grabbed his arm, "where are you going?"

"We should leave, if Hermione turns up this will end in disaster" Ginny shook her head and pulled on Harry's arm to make him sit back down.

"Don't be an idiot, Hermione is already on her way here" Ron looked at Ginny quizzically,

"How do you know?" Ginny rolled her eyes,

"Draco would have told her he would be here tonight, she will be here, mark my words, nothing will stop her" just as Ginny finished speaking, the door of the pub opened and Hermione walked in looking nothing less than gorgeous. She looked around, found Ginny, Ron and Harry and made her way over to them, completely ignoring Draco and his gaggle of friends. She sat at the table and smiled brightly.

"Right, who is getting me a drink?" Harry and Ron looked slightly taken aback whereas Ginny just grinned.

"Hermione, you sure you want to be here?" Ron asked, Hermione gave him a confused look,

"Of course Ron, you are my friends and I wish to see you, now if no one is getting a drink I suppose I will have to go myself" before any of them could speak she jumped up and proceeded over to the bar. They watched her go, Ginny still grinning, Harry and Ron just looking perplexed, they leant towards Ginny,

"How is she so bloody happy?" they whispered, Ginny shook her head gently and laughed,

"Just watch her". All three of them turned to watch the display and just as Ginny had suspected Hermione beckoned Draco over to her with a nod of her head, he left his group immediately and made a beeline for Hermione, pushing through crowds of people. Once next to her he smiled and kissed her gently on the cheek.

"Godric you look amazing" he whispered, Hermione smiled sweetly,

"Thank you, you going to get me a drink?" Draco got out his wallet and ordered for her then promptly turned back to her. Hermione looked straight over his shoulder to Pansy, her face was all the revenge she needed, the pure hatred seething from her filled Hermione with glee and the embarrassed looks of their friends like Zabini and Nott certainly added to her amusement.

"I don't think your wife appreciates you being here" Draco just shrugged,

"She doesn't appreciate many things, just another thing added to the list" Hermione brushed his arm, slowly running her fingers up and down his bicep. "I know what you're doing" Hermione looked at him with a childlike innocence,

"What do you mean?" a smile tugged on her lips,

"Pansy told me she bumped into you the other week, she didn't say what was said but I can't imagine she was civil" Hermione waved her hand as if to brush away his comment,

"Just girls talking, nothing horrible, honestly" Draco nodded but looked less than convinced.

"Well what you're doing right now will no doubt give her cause to start yelling and screaming later"

"As if that bothers you"

"Well she normally does it when I'm trying to read, her wailing in the background puts me off" Hermione started giggling and Draco smiled, he loved the way she looked and sounded when she laughed. "You haven't called for me to come and see you" he added, a little more serious now. Hermione sipped her drink,

"Are you surprised?" Draco shook his head,

"Not really I suppose, I can't hide my disappointment though" Hermione was about to speak when Blaise came up behind Draco.

"She's outside, refuses to come back inside" Draco sighed and rolled his eyes, clearly Blaise was talking about Pansy. Hermione sipped her drink again and watched the two of them,

"Oh as if I care, she can stay out there" Draco went to speak to Hermione again but was stopped,

"Draco for fuck sake, just go and sort her out" Draco slammed his drink down on the bar, spun around and made his way to the door. Hermione smiled at Blaise,

"Did I cause an argument?" she looked smug, Blaise took Draco's spot where he was standing.

"Can't you just end it Hermione, she is pregnant with his child" Blaise's serious tone made her falter, she lost her arrogant facade and her face dropped.

"You think I haven't tried, he won't let me" to anyone else he would have said that that wasn't an excuse but he knew Draco, he knew that he would rather die than be without Hermione and so she really was trapped, she would never be rid of him, Draco wouldn't ever willingly let her go. He would die first.

* * *

August

"We would be so much warmer if you would let me apparated us to somewhere like Italy or Fiji"

"What's wrong with here?"

"It's 2am, we are on a blanket on the roof of your London flat, it's minus forty nine degrees and to top it all off it will probably start raining soon". Draco was playing with Hermione's hair, her head was resting on his stomach and they were sprawled out on an old picnic blanket looking up at the stars.

"But does it not remind you of being back at Hogwarts, lying on the floor of the Astronomy Tower, watching the stars?" Draco let out a breathe,

"I suppose so, they were nice nights, and I always remember them" Hermione smiled and reached behind her to hold his hand.

"We used to talk about anything and everything, whatever popped into our heads" Draco hummed lightly, the vibrating from his tummy relaxing Hermione even more.

"You once asked me if I believe in love at first sight" He said, almost to himself. Hermione waited for him to speak again, not moving her head from his stomach. "I don't, do you?" She stayed quiet for a moment longer then spoke,

"I don't know, maybe".

"We weren't meant to be together, I don't believe we were". Draco panicked for a moment, wondering if this would upset and confuse her.

"What do you mean?"

"I just believe that if we were meant to be together, it wouldn't be this hard". Hermione sighed, she couldn't disagree with his logic.

"But we are together"

"But I think we are turning the rules of the world upside down to be so". Hermione smiled, she liked this idea.

* * *

Hermione made her way down the corridor, past all the smaller offices she recognised, past her friends and colleagues until she was stood outside the Minister for Magic's office. She waited until she was beckoned in by his assistant and then went inside slowly.

"Ah Hermione" Kingsley Shacklebolt smiled at her; she gave a small smile back, unsure of why she was here. "It's ok, no need to look nervous, it's all good news" Hermione sat down and relaxed slightly. "Now, as you will know Greta Humbis is retiring from the Head position of your department". Hermione nodded,

"Yes, we will be sad to see her go" Kingsley smiled again but proceeded,

"Well, I called you in today because I would like to offer you the job" Hermione was stunned, her mouth opened a small amount until she realised what she was doing and firmly clamped it shut.

"But, well, surely I am too young?" Kingsley shrugged gently,

"I suppose that yes, you are one of the younger people to ever take the position but I consider you a very intelligent young woman, you have worked here without any trouble for seven years, always working your hardest and I believe that you would excel in this position" Hermione was beaming after his lovely little speech about how amazing she was. She stood and reached out to shake his hand,

"Then yes, obviously I accept, oh thank you so much Mr Shacklebolt" Kingsley just smiled again and waved as she left his office. All the way out she was smiled so hard she thought she might get stuck that way. When she reached a crossroads in the corridor she turned away from her office and made her way over to the lifts. Once there she picked the floor she wanted and made her way towards his office. She didn't knock, just walked in when she arrived, her face still bright and happy, and her smile still wide and intact.

"I just got a promotion!" she squealed before Draco even had the chance to look at her.

"What?" he looked confused but got up and walked over to her, Hermione started bouncing on her heels,

"A promotion, to Head of the Department! Kingsley just offered it to me just now, like five minutes ago, you are the only other person who knows" Hermione was practically jumping now, Draco once having digested the information picked her up and span her around.

"That's fantastic Hermione, I'm so proud" he put her back down and kissed her hard on the mouth. She was still smiling when he pulled away, "you will be running the place soon" Hermione hit him lightly on the arm,

"Not soon, but yes, one day" she smiled and giggled, making Draco laugh along with her.

"We need to celebrate" he exclaimed, looking around the room to see if he had anything he could toast with,

"How?"

"Erm, we could go away together" Hermione's smile faltered,

"Draco, don't be silly, we can't just up and leave, you have a pregnant wife, and I can't take a holiday after just being offered a promotion" Draco sighed,

"Well, what about, I, oh, well I could..." Draco got flustered as he wracked his brain for ideas; Hermione stroked his right arm and shushed him.

"Draco, you don't have to do this" he looked half pitying, half upset.

"Yes I do, I have to, don't you understand, it will be here soon, that thing and it will take me from you" she shook her head,

"Draco, it isn't a thing, it's your child, your little baby and you are going to love it so much, stop trying to cram me in before it gets here, we will find a way to see one another"

"What if I resent it Hermione, what if I'm a crap dad because all I can think is that it kept us apart" Hermione got onto her tiptoes so she could see straight into his eyes, she gripped his shoulders and was inches from his face.

"You are going to be an amazing father Draco Malfoy, that child is not to blame for our mistakes, for my mistakes, we are apart because I am weak and I was foolish, that tiny baby of yours is going to need you, and you will love it so much that no other love will compare, not even ours" Draco shook his head violently but Hermione just closed her eyes. She shut them because she was so scared that he would see she was lying, that she already hated that child, she despised it and its mother but to let Draco see that would be cruel and she refused to show him her innermost thoughts on this matter.

* * *

October

13/10/2003

Hermione

I don't know if you will want to hear this but I would rather you hear it from me than from office gossip. My son was born today, we are naming him Arcturus, another family name, we seem to have a lot. He has wisps of the whitest hair you have ever seen and apparently he has my nose and lips. I'm sorry I have not seen you lately, something I deeply regret because every day I ache from not being with you. I know this is hard for you but I can't lose you Hermione.

Draco

The letter was damp, the ink had run but many of her other letters where in the same state as this one. She didn't need to letter to confirm her fears, The Daily Prophet had already told her that a new Malfoy baby had been brought into the world, he had not been quick enough to save her feelings, not that he could have done anyway. She placed the crumpled letter with the rest of them and hid them from view, curling up on her bed and wishing the day away.

* * *

December

Hermione looked up from her desk when she heard a knocking and was even more surprised when she saw their face.

"You don't normally knock" she said and went back to scribbling notes over the documents on her desk. He coughed slightly and came fully into her office, shutting the door behind him.

"I didn't know whether you would want to see me" she raised an eyebrow and looked at him,

"Why wouldn't I Draco?" he gritted his teeth and clenched his fists,

"For fuck sake Hermione, don't play this stupid little game" Hermione threw her quill down onto the desk and leant back in her chair,

"Well I don't know what to do, I don't want to be weak anymore Draco, I don't want to curl into a ball and cry every time I see you with Pansy and yes, I saw you all three of you yesterday and yes, it hurt like hell, I died a little, that what you want to hear? It killed me, but I'm not going to sulk about it, this is what I chose". Draco's anger had ebbed away and he came around the desk and knelt on the floor, putting his hands on her legs and leaning against her.

"Of course I don't want to hear you are in pain Hermione, I would do anything to take it away" Hermione stroked his hair as he laid his head in her lap.

"You can't do everything; we are being punished for what we have done to others"

"Why am I being punished for loving you?"

"Because we are weak Draco, we know it's wrong and we do it anyway because we don't have the strength to end it" Draco lifted his head and her hands came to rest on his cheeks,

"The thought of never being able to see you destroys me" a tear ran down Hermione's cheek, he looked so innocent and vulnerable kneeling on the floor, like a child.

"Yes, but the thought of feeling like this for the rest of my life is terrifying".


	3. Chapter 3

15/05/2005

Hermione

I know I have not been able to see you as much as I have wanted; it is not for lack of trying but Arcturus takes up a lot of my time. I am sorry for bringing this up, I know you have no desire to hear me ramble on about this part of my life, I am merely writing to tell you that despite not seeing you, you still take all my focus.

Draco

27/12/2005

Dear Draco

I did not write to you on Christmas day for fear of being found out. I know Pansy has been reading any letters she can find and I thought that on Christmas day she would be even more alert. I hate that our recent conversations have revolved around her, I do not like that she is constantly between us, and it seems to have gotten worse. I am looking forward to seeing you, it cannot come quickly enough.

Hermione x

07/06/2006

Hermione

Please come away with me this weekend. I know we are both busy but you are owed a holiday and I want time alone with you; I need to see you without disruptions. Think about it, for both our sakes.

Draco

21/12/2006

Dear Draco

I heard Pansy is unwell; it isn't fatal is it, because that would be such a shame. But on a serious note, what is going on, we haven't spoken properly in a while and I miss you.

Hermione x

04/04/2007

Hermione

Sorry for cancelling again, Pansy seems to be getting worse, most days she doesn't get out of bed and so Arcturus is even more in my care than usual, it is getting harder to balance a job, a child and a fucking mental wife.

Draco

09/10/2007

Dear Draco

I don't know if you have heard, I imagine you have but I haven't seen you for a couple of days and I wanted you to know, I got the Deputy Minister for Magic position, I am going out with Ginny, Harry and Ron to celebrate tonight. I miss you and when you can, come back to me, I love you

Hermione x

15/05/2008

Hermione

I cannot wait to see you tomorrow, work has been hectic and I know I have not had a chance to come and see you which I am sorry for. Pansy had taken herself and Arcturus to her mother's for a while, our arguments are getting worse and we have both grown tired of keeping up the charade, I honestly believe that the only reason I don't kill her is because of Arcturus. I need you more than ever Hermione

Draco

08/11/2008

Dear Draco

I saw Arcturus in Diagon Alley yesterday with his mother, I can't believe how big he has gotten, you must be so proud. It seems strange to have this discussion with you but he is the spitting image, I could tell a mile off that it was him, the white blonde hair shone out in a crowd of people. Anyway, I am writing to let you know that Ginny and Harry are engaged and she is pregnant which doesn't really peak your interest but it does mean I will have even less chance to see you. Come to my office whenever you can, I am the deputy head, and I can get away with much more now.

Hermione x

20/06/2009

Hermione

I am trying, I truly am, don't give up on us just yet, hold on a little longer.

Draco

31/12/2009

Dear Draco

It is New Years Eve and tonight I plan to enjoy myself, just do me a favour and don't put yourself in my way, it will be hard enough to get through the night with you next to Pansy, just don't punish me further by teasing me.

Hermione x

* * *

The Ministry 2010-2011 Aged 30-31

January

"I don't want to ever drink again, remember that because when I forget it I will need you to remind me" Ginny rolled her eyes and just laughed at Hermione. Both women were sprawled out on Ginny's sofa, nursing their hangovers and eating toast.

"Harry!" Hermione winced at Ginny's loudness and sipped her tea. Harry came into the room minutes later after being summoned. He smirked at the two women; he obviously wasn't feeling the effects of last night.

"More toast?" he asked. Ginny pouted and nodded,

"Yes please" She smiled brightly, Hermione tried but failed, the pounding headache made it hard for her to look happy. Harry laughed,

"This is what happens when you both insist on drinking heavily at the age of thirty"

"It was New Years Eve; there is nothing else to do, I'm still young, I can still go crazy"

"Ginny, I think the fact that you just said 'go crazy' kind of shows that we are old" Hermione mumbled, they heard Harry laughing from the kitchen as he made their toast.

"Well I still think we did well, we weren't sick, we stayed awake all night and we didn't do anything too embarrassing and in my book that is a successful evening". Harry came back into the room carrying a tray with a huge plate of toast on it and three mugs of tea. He sat down with them and watched his wife and best friend struggle to move.

"The point is Ginny, you have child so you have more responsibilities than Hermione, she can go home before James gets back but you on the other hand have to deal with his excitement and rather loud voice which will no doubt add to your already horrendous headache".

"Hermione has less responsibility! She is the Deputy Minister of Magic; she holds responsibility for the entire Wizarding World in Britain, if anything she has to behave more so than I do. I was a professional Quidditch player, I'm allowed to be seen pissed and out of control, Hermione however has to be an upstanding citizen twenty-four-seven and I am afraid that last night she was not" Ginny turned to Hermione with a massive grin whilst Hermione just groaned into the cushion she was clutching.

"I wasn't that bad was I?" Ginny sipped her tea and nodded,

"Well let's just say I have never seen Kingsley act the way you did, or Fudge for that matter" Harry nodded in agreement,

"Yeah, Fudge wasn't one for dancing on tables and I can't ever recall a time that Kingsley insisted everyone do shots off of his own stomach" Hermione went white as Harry and Ginny continued to giggle outrageously.

"Oh Godric, I actually remember that, I am so getting the sack" Ginny patted Hermione's leg,

"I wouldn't worry, it could have been worse, thank Godric Pansy wasn't there though". Hermione's eyes widened in fear, Ginny saw this and quickly jumped to speak again, "It wasn't anything awful, I promise, just you looked amazing and Draco didn't hide the fact that he thought so. I think the alcohol and the fact that his wife wasn't there made him freer with you, he wore his heart on his sleeve". Hermione looked to Harry to see if Ginny was telling the truth, he smiled,

"Honestly Hermione, that was all, we just know Pansy is incredibly jealous and the sight of you and Draco even talking sends her into a murderous rage". Hermione sipped her tea again and remained silent; Ginny gave Harry a look that told him he should leave the room because it was time for girl talk, something which Harry would not want to be around for. He stood and cleaned up the empty plates and shut himself away in the kitchen.

"I don't suppose you have any news on that front" Ginny was watching Hermione's face for any reaction, she just shook her head.

"What would there be, he is still married and he still has six year old son, we are still together, I'm a bad person, blah blah blah".

"He will never leave her?" Ginny continued to watch her but Hermione was just staring at the wall opposite her.

"He can't. You know he can't". Now she turned to Ginny and gave her a weak smile; Ginny took Hermione's hand and squeezed gently.

* * *

"This desk was expensive, get your feet off it" Hermione walked past Draco and pushed his legs, they thumped to the floor. He was reclined in one of her armchairs in her office; he just seemed to fit into the decor of the place.

"You've gotten bossier over the years" Hermione laughed as she searched for something amongst her shelves.

"Good job you love me then isn't it" Hermione turned and flashed him a bright smile. "How is stuff at home?" Draco paused, she didn't often ask questions directed at his family but she wouldn't ask if she didn't want to know.

"Not too bad, Arcturus is driving Pansy up the wall as usual, every time he throws a tantrum something explodes, literally" Hermione frowned slightly,

"What do you mean?" Draco smirked,

"He is coming into his magic, every time he gets angry something in the house suffers, first of all it was small things like a teacup but the other day it was the oven, I think Pansy worries that he is going to blow one of us up". Hermione began giggling,

"It would be your child wouldn't it. What about Pansy? Still ill?"

"Hermione, we don't have to talk about her"

"Draco, she is part of your life and to an extent mine, I just want to know what is going on". Draco sighed but spoke,

"All she seems to do is mope around the house, I can't wait to get out of there in the mornings and I dread going back, the only thing that keeps me going is you and Arcturus". She walked over to him and sat on his lap, he put his hand on her hip and stroked gently, feeling the material of her skirt.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with that, how does it affect Arcturus?" Draco rubbed his temple,

"I don't know, I mean, he seems alright but people say that kids pick up on things, he asked about mummy and if she is getting better but I don't know how much he understands, it can't be much, he is only small". She tucked a lock of hair behind his ear and played with a strand between her fingers.

* * *

Running throughout corridors took Ginny back to her time at Hogwarts. She dodged numerous workers until she was banging at Hermione's office door, she ran in before Hermione had a chance to open it or even ask who it was. She slammed the door behind her and thrust a letter into Hermione's hand.

"What the hell?" Hermione just looked confused, Ginny was flustered and red in the face; she was regaining her breath and pointing at the letter, trying to make Hermione open it. Hermione just shook it, "Ginny, I don't understand". Ginny rolled her eyes and spoke in gasps.

"Draco ... urgent ... no idea ... couldn't come himself". Ginny was hitting the letter again making it obvious that Hermione wasn't going to get anything further out of her. She broke the seal and immediately knew something was wrong, the writing was messy and rushed, it had no date, nothing like their usual letters, and the paper was crumbled as well making it look as though it had been quickly passed between hands. She scanned the paper and Ginny saw her look of confused turn to horror. She waited to hear the contents, practically hopping from one foot to the other. Hermione looked up and their eyes met,

"Pansy's dead". At first Ginny thought it was some sick joke but then she remembered Draco's demeanour, he was with two other men she had not recognised, he was obviously distressed and one of the first things he would do would be to alert Hermione even if he could not do it in person.

"How?"

"She turned her wand on herself"

* * *

"What do you mean speculation?" Hermione, for the second time in three days was struck with an overwhelming sense of confusion and shock. Draco was sat opposite her in an armchair in her living room looking just as tired and pale as she was, his eyes were red and he was constantly running his hand through his hair and rubbing his face.

"There are doubts about her death, about how it happened"

"What kind of doubts, what do the authorities think?" Draco jumped up from his chair and paced the room,

"They think I had something to do with it" Hermione's mouth dropped open and she had trouble putting a sentence together in her mind, let alone out loud.

"Why would they think that?"

"We don't exactly have a high number of suicides in the wizarding world, they think her death is suspicious and no one knew about the depression, only you, no one will believe me if I said anything about it". Hermione was taking deep breaths whilst Draco continued to walk around the room.

"But, I mean, obviously you didn't do it, you were at work, Ginny saw you as soon as you found out, you gave her that letter for Godric sake, it couldn't have been you". Draco shook his head angrily,

"Just because I didn't actually do the deed doesn't mean I didn't orchestrate it, well that's how the Aurors see it anyway". Hermione was still having trouble getting her head around this and her incessant questions were starting to irk Draco.

"But you have no motive, why would they think you would want to kill her?"

"Wake up Hermione!" his sudden outburst made her jump; she didn't expect him to become angry with her. "Don't be so fucking naive. I hated her, everyone bloody knew it and everyone knows there is something between us, people know Hermione, you give them less credit than they deserve". He stopped yelling long enough to study her face, watch it sink in, and then he dealt the second blow. "They think I did it for you, they think I had her killed so we could be together".

"That's insanity" it was almost a whisper, Hermione was scared, partly because the thought of Pansy's death had crossed her mind which means it would have crossed Draco's.

"Is it?" Hermione squeezed her eyes shut, willing it all to go away.

"Don't do that, don't even think about that, the point is you didn't do anything, she was extremely depressed and she killed herself and neither of us could have stopped her". Draco started to laugh, this reaction was worse than his anger, Hermione instantly shuddered.

"We had everything to do with this Hermione, I didn't kill her and I didn't arrange it either but everything we have done in that last fifteen years has built up and this is the consequence". She looked at him and realised that he was right, she knew deep down but hearing him tell her that her actions had caused this was soul destroying and she couldn't hold back the tears. He wanted to go to her and comfort her but he knew she wouldn't let him, she would push him away, her guilt wouldn't allow for his love right now.

* * *

"Have you heard the rumours?" Ron asked, he had been with Hermione all day, she had been nervous about coming into work and he knew that she shouldn't really be left alone otherwise she would be crying all day.

"What ones? The one where they say that Draco killed her in cold blood, that I did it or we both transpired together to kill her so we could run off with Arcturus and be a family". Hermione was looking down at her work scribbling furiously; she was having the day from hell. Ron shifted uncomfortably.

"Hermione, they are just idiots, we are the generation of Rita Skeeter, people are morons and will believe anything they hear" she leaned back in her chair and threw her quill onto the desk,

"But it affects my life Ron! Kingsley has already had me in to talk about my involvement with him, I can never be the Minister of Magic if I become wrapped up in this scandal, and I am already too much a part of it".

"He said you couldn't be minister?" Hermione shrugged,

"In as many words, yes. He said that unless I separate myself from Draco, there is a limit to how high I can progress which is a shame as he believes that I could achieve so much".

"Bloody hell, what are you going to do?" Hermione smiled but it wasn't a happy smile,

"I have no idea".

* * *

March

She recognised the knocking immediately but before she could tell him to go away he strode in.

"Draco, how many times, you can't do that, you can't just stroll in". She stood up from her chair as he came in, as he did he slammed the door behind him and he was by his desk in three strides. He lent over, grabbed the back of her head and brought her lips to his, she didn't even have time to think and just kissed him back, she hadn't let herself go for what seemed like an age. He pulled away and his face was bright and beaming, she hadn't seen him like this for months, since before Pansy.

"I'm in the clear, they have no proof that implies I had anything to do with it" he kissed her again before it had even sunk in. This time she pulled away,

"What? Wait, so everything is ok, they don't believe it was you?" Draco snorted,

"Oh no, they obviously think I had everything to do with it, Auror's have never trusted the Malfoy family, they think we are all scum, but the point is they are putting cause as death as a suicide". Hermione let out a sigh of relief, it was as if a giant weight had been taken off her shoulders, she couldn't imagine how Draco must of felt. She could hear he was still talking but she wasn't taking any of it in, she was still basking in the news she had just received. "... anyway, this means that we can actually be together". It was this that brought Hermione out of her trance.

"What?" Panic crossed her face and Draco picked up on it instantly.

"Now I have been proven innocent we can be together" he said it with more caution after seeing her initial fear. All Hermione could think about were Kingsley Shacklebolt's words, she would never be minister if she married Draco, keeping the relationship secret was fine, but to make it public would prevent her from progressing, it would irrevocably damage her career.

"We can't Draco, we just ... cant" what upset Hermione the most when she spoke was watching Draco's face because even though he was clearly confused and upset she saw that a part of him wasn't surprised that she was saying no, again.

"Why? Give me one good reason" He knew what the reason was; he just wanted her to say it, to admit what she was doing to them both.

"You know why" her voice was pleading; she didn't want to have this conversation again.

"SAY IT" his outburst made her jump and she quivered slightly,

"I can't leave this job" she whispered it but Draco heard and it sent him over the edge. He pulled out his wand and sent a curse flying toward her desk, launching it into the air and sending it crashing into the wall. His grip was tight and his breathing was heavy.

"I can't believe you are doing this again, you did this thirteen years ago and you are doing it now! You say you love me yet when you have the opportunity to be with me you don't take it, all because of this fucking job"

"It isn't just a job! I have a duty to every witch and wizard in this country and I can't just desert them, I could do so much, I could achieve so many things and it what's I want to do". She felt like screaming, she was being ripped in two and she couldn't cope.

"It's because of the rumours isn't it; you can't be with me because of my private life. Salazars sake Hermione, I never thought you would be so weak"

"Weak! I am not weak! How dare you, I have never been so strong in my life when it comes to you, running the country is easy compared to seeing you with another woman, seeing you with your child" Draco moved towards her and took her hand,

"You don't have to go through that anymore, we can be together, Hermione come on, we can have our own children, and you can be my wife" she shook her head,

"Don't you understand, if we get married it will just add fuel to the fire, even more people will believe that we killed Pansy, I can never be minister if people believe that I would actually conspire to kill someone". Draco dropped her hand and walked across the room away from her.

"Why is this damn job so bloody important to you, you could do something else".

"I wouldn't be happy doing anything else; I have always wanted to be where I am right now. If we ran away right now sooner or later we would resent one another, I would always wonder what if I had stayed, what could I have done, what could I have changed".

"And you wouldn't wonder what if when it comes to me, to us?" Draco was grasping at straws, he needed her to realise that she was making a mistake.

"I needn't have to if we just continue as we have been, why do we have to make the relationship public?" Draco threw his arms in the air and roared at the ceiling, they were just going round in circles.

"I can't be your dirty little secret for the rest of our lives just so it makes things easier for you, I have a son to think about and I have myself to think about, what you are asking is unfair".

"Now you know how I have felt for the past fourteen years" Draco rounded on her, there was fire in his eyes,

"But that was your decision Hermione, just as it is your decision now, once again you are picking yourself and your career over us and I don't think I could go through this all again" Hermione's insides clenched and went cold.

"What are you saying?" Draco took a breath then grabbed her by the waist, pulled her against him and kissed her. His lips caressed hers and he hugged her so tightly that it could have snapped her in two. He pulled away but held her in his embrace.

"If I leave her without you, I will not return Hermione" he released her and stepped back, upon seeing her face he knew he had his answer. He turned and left and Hermione remained alone in her office.

* * *

"New desk?" Harry asked as he sat down opposite Hermione, she was busy scribbling, her mind completely focused on the task at hand, she had been like this for days now, constantly working, not stopping to breath. She had always been dedicated to work but Harry had never seen her this involved, even in a space of a few days her work rate had doubled.

"Draco smashed the other one" she said without looking up, Harry's eyes widened,

"I'm sorry, he did what now?" Harry had heard from office gossip that Hermione and Draco had been arguing and that a few days ago shouting had been heard very clearly from Hermione's office but he, just like many others believed that it was just one of their usual fights and that they would be making up within the hour.

"Smashed it, propelled it across the room, damaged some other stuff as well, couple of books, and I had to redo some paperwork too". She still wasn't giving him all the facts, just skimming over the bare essentials, Harry didn't care what was broken, he was now seriously worried.

"Hermione, is everything ok? Are you ok?" She still hadn't looked at him and it was beginning to annoy Harry, it was now obvious she was hiding something.

"Not really but that can't be helped, other things are more important" Harry reached across the table, grabbed Hermione's hand so it prevented her from further writing and tugged on her hand so she looked up and at him.

"Tell me what is going on" she was silent for a moment but then spoke,

"We broke up". Harry wasn't surprised by the answer, they had 'broken up' so many times Harry had lost track, Hermione noticed that Harry didn't think much of this so she had to elaborate. "Forever, it isn't a silly argument this time, it is honestly over". Her face made Harry change his mind; her solemn expression showed him that she was serious, it wasn't a lover's tiff that they had had.

"What happened?"

"I chose my career and he took it as well as he did when we were eighteen" Harry lent back in his chair and tried to take it in, it didn't seem plausible that they had broken up, in his eyes they had always been together and he always believed that in one way or another they always would be.

"So what now?" Hermione shrugged,

"Well I'll tell you something, if I don't get that minister's job one day I'm going to be pissed off" Hermione laughed lightly but it was empty and lacked any happiness.

* * *

July

"You can stop trying to hide it, I have already seen it" Hermione spoke with a mouthful of cookies. She was sat on Ginny's sofa, munching her way through an entire packet and watching rubbish on the television. She could hear rustling from the kitchen and knew exactly that she was doing. Ginny poked her head around the door,

"Shit, when did you see it?" Ginny walked in and threw what she was trying to hide onto the coffee table, a copy of The Daily Prophet with a whole page dedicated to Draco's current love life.

"On my way here funnily enough, walked past the stand at work, saw a whole stack of them, words practically jumped off the page". Ginny smiled sympathetically and picked up a biscuit,

"If it helps, the woman he is with isn't a patch on you, serious horse face going on there, bit like his mother actually which is just weird". Hermione giggled and was grateful that she was with Ginny.

"It was always going to happen, still feels like someone has run me through with a sword though". They ate more biscuits for a further few minutes then Ginny spoke again.

"So have you really not spoken at all in four months?" Hermione nodded,

"Yep, not since we broke up, no letter, he hasn't turned up at my flat uninvited, he hasn't even visited my office to come and yell at me"

"Have you tried to speak to him?"

"No, doesn't seem fair, I was the one that ended it, why torment him further by keeping contact, best to have a clean break". Ginny hummed in agreement but didn't sound convinced.

"Hermione, are you happy?" Hermione laughed,

"Be more specific Gin"

"Do you still enjoy your job? Even though it's because of it that you lost Draco" Hermione closed her eyes for a second and then turned to face Ginny properly.

"I love my job so much and I wouldn't swap places with anyone in the world, I am excited every time I can change something or if I help a cause and I will always love it but I will always love him and knowing that I could never have both is the thing that kills me, it isn't fair, the two things I love most in this world don't fit together".

"What do you love more, him or the job? Because at the moment there is a clear winner" Hermione's eyes narrowed,

"That is cruel Ginerva" Ginny grasped Hermione's hands and looked at her hard.

"I don't mean to be but for Godric sake Hermione, for over ten years I have listened to you saying that he is the love of your life, that there will never be anyone else and that you would die for him yet twice now you have put him aside for this job, you have broken his heart twice, surely you must love your work more if you can do this to him". Hermione had begun to well up.

"Why doesn't anyone understand that this isn't just a job to me, it has been my dream ever since first year to work in the ministry, ever since reading about it all those years ago and now, to be in this position where I can do so many things is too much to give up. Why is no one questioning his love for me, we could be together if his stupid pride wasn't in the way, I was his mistress for years and now it is his turn he won't do it".

"You know he can't, he has a six year old child, when you were younger it was easy, it was even easy after he got married and to some extent when Pansy was alive, even with Arcturus, he still had someone to take care of him, now that little boy depends on him for everything and it is unfair of you to ask him to put you first because the terrifying thing is that if you asked and truly meant it, he would put the boy aside for you every time". Hermione dropped her head and stared into her lap,

"Bloody child has ruined everything" she mumbled, wishing she had not said it immediately, especially when Ginny picked up what she had said.

"You know that isn't true, you could have him if you weren't so stubborn" Hermione glared at her and Ginny rolled her eyes, "but for what it's worth, I think you have done the right thing". Hermione's face lightened and she sniffed,

"Really, honestly?" Ginny nodded,

"Your work is as much a part of your life as he is, you wouldn't be happy in any other job, however you could find happiness with someone else, but it would never be like it is with him".

* * *

Harry popped his head around Hermione's office door,

"Be at ours for about eight tonight, oh and Ginny said wear that nice dress you got last week". Hermione looked quizzically at Harry,

"Why?" she sounded suspicious and Harry looked a little nervous, then she realised why. "Oh for fuck sake no, who is she setting me up with?" Harry jumped from one foot to the other,

"No one, no one"

"HARRY POTTER!" she yelled and he almost jumped into the ceiling,

"Dean Thomas!" Harry was bright red and clearly frightened of angry Hermione. "I'm sorry, I really am but you know what she is like, once she gets an idea into her head it is very hard to stop her and to be honest Hermione, you need to get out more, you are always working and it isn't healthy". Hermione grumbled but Harry knew she wouldn't refuse.

"Fine, but I swear to Godric you better not make this awkward, whilst Dean and I haven't spoken in years I still want him to think well of me, he is a nice man". Harry swiftly nodded and rushed away; Hermione leant back in her chair and exhaled slowly.

* * *

She arrived dead on eight and knocked on the door, within seconds it swung open and there was Ginny, bright eyed and smiling like a maniac,

"I know he is here" Hermione said, her tone even, one that suggested she wasn't impressed. Ginny's faced dropped,

"Told him not to say anything, stupid arse that he is". Hermione laughed,

"Don't blame him, it wasn't his fault, I yelled at him, to be honest I am surprised you haven't done this sooner". Ginny took Hermione by the arm and led her down the hallway.

"Well we wanted to give you some time to get over the initial shock of not being with him and when Dean and Emma broke up last month we felt this was the perfect opportunity. Ron has brought Amy; she is still just as dull as I remember". Hermione swatted Ginny,

"Come on, we have to be nice, we are adults now" Ginny huffed,

"We were adults two years ago, wasn't nice about her then either". They both giggled and strolled into the kitchen where everyone was stood, drinking and talking. Ginny dropped Hermione's arm and shoved her next to Dean, Hermione fell rather ungracefully into him, went bright red and apologised about nine times, Ginny had to stifle her laughter. Hermione said hello to everyone, including the rather dull Amy then turned to Dean.

"So, hello" she smiled, "Haven't seen you in what seems like a lifetime, how have you been?" Dean smiled just as brightly back and clearly appreciated the low cut dress she was wearing.

"I have been well thanks, still at The Daily Prophet but life is good, yourself?" Hermione could sense Ginny watching the two of them like a hawk which was a little off putting. She tried to focus on Dean and what he was saying,

"Yeah, life is going well" she had lied to him already, this was a good start, "I'm at the ministry, well you know that, but other than that, nothing big to report, I haven't changed much since we last spoke really, rather boring of me".

"I never thought you were boring Hermione" she blushed heavily which just made Dean laugh. She sipped at her wine that Ginny had shoved into her hand moments earlier,

"Well, erm, thank you Dean" she smiled again, this time less red. Ron broke the moment between her and Dean when he asked rather loudly what time they would be eating.

"Bloody hell, do you ever think of anything else" remarked Ginny, "You can all go and sit down now, I will start serving up".

"I will help you" Harry went to get the food out of the oven but Ginny stopped him,

"No you won't, Hermione will". Hermione sideways glanced at Dean and he smirked, so much for Ginny not making this awkward. Everyone seated themselves and left Ginny and Hermione alone in the kitchen. Ginny passed Hermione the food that needed to be dished up and launched into an inquisition,

"So obviously he likes you, what do you think of him?" Hermione rolled her eyes,

"Jesus woman, give me a chance, we have only been here five minutes" Ginny waved her off and passed her more food,

"Oh don't be a drama queen, you are getting along, and he is still completely gorgeous, don't tell Harry though". When she had finished Ron came into the kitchen and cleared his throat, Ginny sighed, "Bloody hell Ron, it is nearly ready", Ron coughed again,

"Err, it's not that, just thought I would come and say that we all just heard that conversation". It was obvious that he was trying not to laugh, it was then Hermione noticed that the door had been left open; she went red again for what seemed like the fifth time that evening.

"Oh, right, yes, well dinners ready". Ginny grabbed a load of plates and beckoned for Hermione and Ron to do the same. They all carried the food to the next room and Hermione realised that she would have to sit next to Dean, not that she was surprised. When she sat she could also tell he was trying not to giggle, Christ, did this man not get embarrassed at all. Once everyone was sat down, dinner began and conversation wasn't as awkward as Hermione had thought it would be, in fact she had a very good evening, the only awkward part being when Harry made snide remarks about whether Ginny would prefer Dean to pass her the potatoes instead of him. The conversation only seemed to slow when Amy began talking about her walk in the apothecary.

"I think I just slipped into a boredom induced coma" Ginny whispered in Hermione's ear after ten minutes of listening to Amy speak. Somehow she had managed to draw Dean into a conversation about it and he was trying his best to show he was interested. Hermione bit her lip to stop herself from laughing out loud,

"It's Dean I feel sorry for" she whispered back, "he hasn't looked this bored since first year History of Magic". Both women were laughing heavily and it was becoming very obvious. Ginny stood and pulled Hermione up with her,

"Hermione, help me clear up, you too Dean" Hermione swung her head to look at Ginny but she refused to meet her eye and just carried plates to the kitchen, Dean stood and followed Ginny, carrying with him plates and bowls from the table. Hermione stood for a moment with all eyes and her and so had no choice but to just follow Ginny and Dean into the kitchen. Once she got in there Ginny announced that she had forgotten something, went back into the dining room and shut the door behind her. Hermione was appalled at her behaviour but again, she was no longer surprised by it.

"Not one for subtly is she?" Dean remarked, Hermione began laughing and shook her head,

"Hmm, she's about as subtle as a bludger, suppose it is part of her charm". Dean started putting dishes into the sink and began washing up.

"I wash, you dry?" Hermione nodded,

"Sounds fair". She dried the wet plates and they chatted as they went along, Hermione realised it must have been good conversation because it seemed within minutes they had managed to wash and dry all the dinner plates, pots and pans and numerous glasses. Dean turned to her and Hermione saw his face and began to giggle, he looked confused,

"What?" he said rather nervously, Hermione smiled,

"Nothing, you just have some soap suds on your cheek", he grinned and wiped his face which just added more bubbles to his face, Hermione laughed even harder this time.

"Did I get it?"

"No, you added to it, oh come here". She reached up to wipe away the soap on his face but had to go onto her tiptoes, she leaned into him, their bodies inches apart. Their eyes met and Hermione blushed again. Dean smiled, put his arm around her waist and brought her lips up to his and kissed her gently. At first she was shocked but soon got used to it and kissed back. She could hear Ginny's voice just outside but couldn't work out what she was saying, she was too preoccupied. It was only when the door burst open and Ron came waltzing in could Hermione work out what was being said,

"I said don't go into the kitchen!" Hermione jumped to the other side of the room, even more flushed than before, she glanced at Dean and saw that he had also gone slightly red.

"Well how was I supposed to know that they were going to be getting off with one another". Ginny threw her arms into the air,

"It was implied when I said don't go into the fucking kitchen!" Ron shrugged, grabbed more wine from the cupboard and returned to the dining room.

"Well, I er, should probably be getting off home, early start tomorrow" Dean said, looking at the floor and then to Ginny, "but it was a really nice evening". He kissed Ginny on the cheek and thanked her again,

"Oh well Hermione will walk out with you" Hermione looked to Ginny, she hadn't actually planned on leaving yet,

"Will I?" she asked, a little confused. Ginny nodded,

"Yeah, Hermione has an early start, never likes to be tired does this one" Ginny grabbed Hermione's coat and threw it at her and then beckoned them out of the house. They both practically had to yell their goodbyes as they were being ushered down the hallway by Ginny, once outside they looked at one another and began to laugh again.

"I think I was just thrown out" Hermione said

"Does look that way, are you apparating?" Hermione nodded,

"Yeah, too long to walk at night, so I guess I will see you another time"

"Well I would like to see you again, soon". Hermione smiled shyly, she felt thirteen again.

"I would like that too". They both swapped numbers and they kissed again, Hermione was still trying to get used to kissing someone that wasn't Draco.

"You apparate first, I want to make sure you get off ok" Dean kissed her cheek, "bye". Hermione waved then apparated. She arrived safely back in her flat, threw her coat over the chair and collapsed on her bed in exhaustion. She then cried herself to sleep.

* * *

November

"I can't believe you met his parents, Hermione that is a seriously good sign, he is obviously crazy about you". Ginny was practically bouncing off the walls with excitement, she was giddy and her happiness was causing a bit of a scene considering they were in The Three Broomsticks.

"I know, I was really nervous but they are so lovely and it is so uncomplicated and there are no secrets, no running around and hiding, it's strange if I am honest". Hermione knew this would have sounded ridiculous to anyone else but Ginny knew about her past, she understood that to Hermione, secrecy and lies were what held a relationship together and to not have to hide anymore was whilst a luxury, was also strange.

"I know I shouldn't be bringing him up but have you heard from him? And does Dean know?" Hermione shook her head,

"Not a word since March, he held up on his promise, and no, Dean doesn't know anything". Ginny pursed her lips,

"Do you not think you should tell him?"

"No" Ginny waited for Hermione to continue but when she didn't she just quizzed her further,

"No? Just no? What happens when Draco finds out, you are lucky your relationship hasn't been plastered all over The Daily Prophet because mark my words, when it is he will be back in your life so fast your head will spin clean off". The look on Hermione's face told Ginny that she had not thought about this but when she saw a glimpse of hope in Hermione's eyes, Ginny panicked. "Godric Hermione, no, please no". Hermione looked confused,

"What?"

"Dean isn't a fucking tactic is he? Tell me you aren't using him". Hermione looked genuinely outraged.

"Jesus Ginny, how could you say that? I would never use him like that". Ginny rubbed her temples and sighed,

"Because I know what you two are like, I know that every time you see even the smallest update on his love life in the Prophet you want to send a letter or every time you are with Dean you compare it to Draco and I know he will be exactly the same with you, you know he will Hermione". Hermione leant back into her chair and looked at the table.

"I'm not using him, I'm really not, but how can I not compare him to Draco. Draco is the only other man I have ever been with and I still love him, I can't help that". Ginny nodded,

"You two will be the death of each other".

* * *

Ginny strolled into Hermione's office and threw down a copy of The Daily Prophet on her desk.

"Page eight" Hermione looked up, frowned at the rude interruption but picked up the paper and turned to page eight. The column wasn't that big but there was a small article about Hermione's love life, detailing Dean Thomas as a possible new man in her life. "He has already seen it and is demanding to see you, I said I would talk to you first, I already know the answer so I suggest you both come to my house tonight at 7pm, Harry and I are taking James to see mum and dad so it will be empty". Hermione nodded and Ginny turned and left.

Hermione apparated straight into Ginny's living room, she was feeling nauseous and that was not due to the apparating. Ginny was sat on the sofa waiting for her,

"Don't worry, Harry and James are already at the Burrow, I thought I would hang around until you were both here, I knew you would be early anyway". Just as she had finished speaking there was a knock at the door, Hermione froze but Ginny casually stood and went to the door. She opened it and nodded at Draco,

"Living room". With this she apparated and Draco was left alone on the doorstep. He came in, shut the door and made his way into the house. Hermione heard every footstep and willed herself to be strong and not to shake and cry, she must be mature and dignified. The door creaked open and even seeing his foot made her knees weak, when he came into full view it took all of her strength not to throw herself at him. Both looked at one another and neither spoke, they didn't know what to say, they had never gone this long without speaking. During their staring contest Hermione remembered what prompted this meeting and it brought her out of her day dream.

"What do you want Draco?" Her harsh tone surprised him, for a second he looked hurt but he quickly composed himself.

"I don't like reading about your latest conquest in The Daily Prophet Hermione, it is beneath you". He sneered and Hermione clenched her fists, she couldn't decide if she had done so to prepare herself to punch him, or because the physical pain was better than the emotional pain.

"I have been forced to take notice of your dalliances with women, too many to even think about, there seems to be a new girl every week, I don't like it but I don't demand to see you and then insult you for it".

"Don't pretend anything about my life upsets you anymore". Immediately Hermione decided that her clenched fists would be used to punch him, she just had to get closer. She closed some of the distance between them seeing as they were nearly an entire room apart, she crossed the carpet so she was several feet from him, she didn't trust herself enough to get any closer.

"You have no right to interfere anymore, you left this time, you left and you said you wouldn't return". Draco knew this was true but did not want to admit it,

"I can't stay away". His outburst was strained and he didn't look imposing anymore, he looked tired and defeated. Hermione's rage melted away and her fists relaxed, already he had tamed her.

"You must, there is nothing for us anymore" Hermione felt her insides die when she said this but she continued, Draco was clearly affected by her words but he didn't move.

"And there is for you and Dean Thomas! He doesn't know anything of your past, how will you explain me?" Draco sounded outraged,

"I don't see a need to have to talk about you, I can deny rumours and idle gossip" she ached to touch him but knew she mustn't, to do so would be to jump into an abyss.

"You can't just brush me under the fucking rug! I am your past, present and future, I will always be a part of your life whether you like it or not".

"If you weren't so selfish then we could move on, but you can only think of yourself and so I must suffer, let me go Draco" he shook his head angrily and laughed.

"You know that is not what you want Hermione, I cannot let you go and even if I could I would refuse to" Hermione put her hands to her face and screamed into them, she was breathing heavily but Draco just waited for her to speak. After a moment she looked at him,

"I used to think that holding on made people strong, but sometimes it is letting go, Draco, I can't move on unless you do". Draco stood in silence and took in what she said; he waited a minute before he spoke.

"If you truly wanted me to I would, I would turn the world upside down if I believed you wanted me to but I know you don't want me to find someone else and I know that whilst you try and persuade yourself that you could fall in love with Dean, you never could". Hermione threw her arms in the air in exhaustion,

"Oh it doesn't matter what I want! Jesus Christ Draco! I can't keep having this argument with you, I just can't anymore, you said you were leaving, you said that if I chose my job then I lose you and yet here you are, interfering in my life and throwing me off balance, make up your fucking mind, you can't have it both ways". Hermione was left breathless by her rant; her heavy breathing was all that was heard in the house.

"I can't bear to see you with him, to know you are with another man destroys me, I don't know how you did it all those years Hermione, I can't take it for more than ten minutes, I couldn't stand aside and watch you with him forever". Hermione closed her eyes for a moment and just run every thought through her head trying to come up with a solution.

"I won't break up with him to please you, you can't expect me to remain alone whilst you shag your way around the wizarding community". Her tone was cruel and the look in his eyes told her that she was hurting him more than he would admit, she buckled and went towards him, Draco wavered slightly but dropped his head. When she got closer to him he looked up slowly and met her eyes,

"Just tell me I am the only one, the only one you love". His voice was weak and soft and Hermione welled up instantly, she took his hand and breathed in his scent.

"It's you Draco, for me, it is just you".


	4. Chapter 4

04/04/2012

Hermione

I know the last couple of months have been hard and I understand your reservations but please don't punish me just to protect Dean, I don't see why you insist on keeping up with this ridiculous charade of a relationship.

Draco

13/09/2012

Dear Draco

If you want to make me jealous Draco at least pick I woman I would approve of, your pathetic attempt at parading that short skirted slut around the office only made me reconsider the reasons as to why I love you.

Hermione x

11/02/2013

Hermione

What you are doing isn't fair to him; can you really cope with the guilt?

Draco

31/10/2013

Dear Draco

Happy Halloween, I am wishing I could be with you tonight; it seems we are rarely together on our anniversary. I love you.

Hermione x

22/04/2014

Hermione

If only you would reconsider, surely you see that it is a bad choice, this isn't your style and whilst I play dirty it is not something I would expect from you.

Draco

07/10/2014

Dear Draco

We are too old to play this absurd game, I expect to be given back my underwear in the next twenty minutes, come to my office with them as soon as you get this!

Hermione x

01/03/2015

Hermione

You are coming to mine this evening or I am coming to you, if you are not at mine by 7pm then I shall come to you and apparate us wherever I bloody well want and if you get splinched in the process because you struggle as I expect you will then it is your own damn fault. You are coming on a date with me whether you like it or not.

Draco

23/07/2015

Dear Draco

Not seeing you should get easier, I am used to the distance but the older we get the more it seems to hurt.

Hermione x

11/02/2016

Hermione

My office is dull, can you say you forgive me so I can come and visit you without fear of something being launched at my head.

Draco

30/09/2016

Dear Draco

I haven't asked in a while how Arcturus is, he is thirteen now isn't he? I feel guilty not talking about him, he is your son but only reason I remember his birthday is because that day brought me much pain.

Hermione x

* * *

The Ministry 2017-2018 Aged 37-38

February

"Draco, we are thirty seven years of age and I am the Minister for Magic, we are not having sex in the supply cupboard!" Hermione was giggling as she spoke, she was currently trying to shrug Draco off of her, his hands were roaming all over her and it was rather distracting when trying to organise the magical community.

"You're no fun anymore" he groaned playfully and dropped his arms. "Although it is rather sexy knowing that I am fucking the most powerful woman in Wizarding England". Hermione smirked,

"Hmm, well when you put it like that..." Draco's face lit up, "... still a no". Hermione laughed as she watched his face drop.

"Tease" he grunted, he slapped her arse and as he did so there was a knock on the door and someone entered. The visitor cleared their throat as both Draco and Hermione had their backs to the door. Hermione twirled round to see Dean but Draco still hadn't bothered to turn his head, he remained perched on Hermione's desk.

"Morning Hermione" Dean smiled, walked towards her and kissed her cheek. Draco saw everything and growled. Hermione smiled,

"Morning, what are you doing here? I thought you had to start early" she didn't sound accusatory, merely interested.

"Change of plan, I wondered whether you wanted to get breakfast, I know you are busy but I thought I would at least try and snatch you away". Dean was casual as always and it was pissing Draco off.

"She can't" he spat out, his voice like poison; Hermione glared at him but reached out and touched his cheek to try and calm him. She turned back to Dean with an apologetic face,

"Even though his delivery wasn't exactly polite he is right, I'm stressed to the max and I have got a lot planned work wise, but I could see you later this evening" she flashed him her best smile and Dean nodded, kissed her cheek again and left the room without another word. Hermione turned back to Draco and tapped his cheek lightly,

"Play nice". Draco just rolled his eyes,

"I don't know why he bothers, seven years he has been hanging around you" Hermione shrugged in a non-committal way,

"We decided to keep it casual, non-exclusive" Draco barked out a laugh,

"You have been seeing each other for seven years, that's absurd, you don't just 'see' someone for seven years, you're just using him".

"Well what are we? Technically we have been seeing each other for, wow, how long? We started in fourth year so, what, if we were fourteen then, blimey, must be about twenty three years now, that's even longer". Draco's lips thinned and he glared again,

"We are different, I'm the love of your fucking life, labels don't apply to us" Hermione raised an eyebrow as if to question this but didn't say anything about it.

"You have your relationships, I have mine, I enjoy his company so I continue to see him". Draco inhaled slowly,

"Oh for fuck sake Hermione, I have my relationships because you have refused to marry me twice, and how have you been keeping his company for the last seven years, he can't be that interesting". Hermione walked away from his grasp and continued with her work,

"He is very interesting actually, and very good in bed". Hermione said the last part just to anger him, to remind him that she behaved in exactly the same way he did. Draco smacked the desk and made Hermione jump.

"I do not wish to hear that" Hermione worked hard to suppress a grin and Draco noticed. "Oh it amuses you does it? Well let's see how you like it" Hermione instantly regretted saying anything now; she had never met anyone as cruel as Draco and could hit herself for being so forward with him.

"No, no" she mumbled but she didn't make eye contact, Draco didn't listen and just laughed at her.

"Apparently even at the age of thirty seven, I can still make a twenty two year old come hard and fast with the use of one finger". His eyes were trying to catch hers but she refused to look at him.

"Get. Out" she whispered but it was angry, he laughed briefly and turned, as he walked out her office he said,

"Will you ever learn?"

* * *

"I missed you" she mumbled against his lips. Dean smiled against her kiss,

"I do like to be missed". Hermione laughed softly and pulled him into the house gently.

"Want a drink?" Dean nodded and followed her into the kitchen; she went to the fridge and got a beer, opened it and turned. "Good day?" she said as she handed over his drink. Sometimes Dean felt like they were a married couple, their dynamic was that of two people who had known each other forever but whenever he felt too close he reminded himself of the one thing that prevents his ideal life.

"Wasn't bad, nothing interesting, what about you? Any new laws? Crazed murderers on the run?" Hermione smirked and rolled her eyes,

"No, nothing like that, just the usual paperwork and odd visit from Ron, Harry or Ginny, oh which reminds me, they are all coming over later". Hermione turned to get herself a drink but could immediately tell Dean's mood had changed, without turning her head she asked,

"That's alright isn't it? Ginny popped in and asked if we would like to get together, I thought it would be nice". Dean hummed but didn't say anything else. Hermione poured herself some wine and turned back to him. "Are you ok?" He swigged from his beer and shrugged.

"Yeah, just assumed it would be me and you tonight, haven't been alone with you in a long time ... you spend time alone with him". The last part was mumbled but Hermione heard every word. She placed her wine down on the counter and ran a hand through her hair,

"Don't start with me Dean, not tonight"

"Why, you had your fill of him earlier? Overtired are you?" Hermione gripped the side in an effort to prevent herself from slapping him.

"What the hell do you mean by that?" she spat out, Dean just laughed,

"You know exactly what I mean". Hermione ground her teeth together,

"How dare you speak to me like that". She gripped the counter even harder but Dean just set his beer down and left the room.

"I can't be bothered to sit through tonight" he yelled over his shoulder as he walked away, Hermione went after him,

"What am I suppose to tell the others?" Dean stopped and looked at her,

"Tell them I was tired of always playing second fiddle to a man who I am infinitely better than". Before Hermione could stop him he left her flat without another word. Moments later Ginny and Harry apparated into her living room, their sudden appearance made her jump and she screamed.

"Jesus Christ!" Ginny and Harry looked slightly taken aback until Hermione swiftly apologised. "Sorry, forgot for a moment you were coming, wasn't paying attention to the time". Ginny laughed and put her friend's flustered appearance down to her and her husband's sudden entrance. She made her own way into the kitchen and called out to Hermione. Hermione still hadn't moved from the spot and was now just looking at Harry.

"So where is Dean? Wasn't he meant to be here already?" The mention of Dean's name seemed to snap Hermione out of her daydream and she went into the kitchen. Harry stood awkwardly by the two women, he knew something was going on but he wasn't sure he wanted to know what. Hermione picked up her wine, glugged it then recounted the brief interlude to Ginny and Harry. When she had finished telling them what had happened Harry had gone through his beer already, it wasn't that it was a particularly long but whenever Hermione ranted or words were exchanged it made Harry feel the need to drink. Ginny had nodded throughout and hummed at appropriate times to let Hermione know she was listening although Hermione seemed so animated at times that both Harry and Ginny wondered if she would even notice if they left the room, maybe it was this that made Harry so bold when he spoke,

"Well I can kind of see his point" Hermione's eyes widened as she looked at her friend and Ginny was a little worried for her husband's safety.

"What" Hermione said sharply, Harry looked frightened and it was clear that he wished he hadn't said anything but a part of him thought, it's too late now, in for a penny, in for a pound.

"Hermione you have got to admit that he had a right to be pissed off, you have been dragging him along for seven years now, never making a commitment and yes I know he is ok with that and you have your own arrangement which to me is just weird but whatever it works for you but come on, give him a break, he knows he can't ever match up to Draco in your eyes but still he sticks around and so yes, occasionally he is going to be upset that you choose Draco every single bloody time". Hermione was shocked into silence by Harry's speech and even more so when she looked to Ginny and realised that Ginny agreed with him.

"You both think I am cruel?" she asked her friends, her voice wavered slightly and Ginny quickly went to her,

"Hermione, you aren't cruel, not intentionally" Harry shook his head to signal that he never believed her to be deliberately cruel. "But your actions have repercussions that will probably scar that man for life and the longer you drag this out the more you will hurt him". Hermione sniffed and blinked quickly, Harry and Ginny huddled around her and Ginny stroked her arm. Hermione smiled and batted them away,

"No no, don't be silly, I am fine, I can't believe the way I have been acting, I have used him for so long, that isn't ok, I have to let him go, I have to stop using him as a safety net". Ginny nodded and Harry kissed her forehead, the moment between them was quiet and calm, well it was until Ron apparated into the room.

"Sorry I'm late, I brought wine ... where's Dean?" Harry punched his friend on the arm but Hermione just started giggling.

* * *

Hermione lay sprawled out on the floor, her skirt bunched up around her, her shirt was the other side of the room and she generally looked like she had just been dragged through a bush backwards. She was staring up at her living room ceiling when she spoke,

"Remember when we used to do that at work?" Hermione's voice was breathy; she was still coming down from her orgasm. Draco was next to her and he turned his head towards her,

"We still could if you hadn't put a stop to it" Hermione rolled her eyes and laughed,

"It would be inappropriate" Draco smirked,

"Oh yes, because every other part of our relationship is appropriate". Hermione nudged him with her foot and he kicked back.

"I am going to stop seeing Dean for a while" Draco rolled onto his side and propped himself up on his arm, he looked at her seriously,

"Why?" she turned her head at an angle so she could see his face.

"It isn't fair"

"You only just worked that out?" she glared at him and he bowed his head slightly to signal some form of apology and for her to continue.

"I only ever looked at it from one perspective, he wants to be here so I let him but someone made me realise that just because he chooses to be a part of this screwed up relationship it doesn't mean that I should allow it, I should never have had any form of relationship except friendship with him and because I have let it go on this long I have become accustomed to him being there". Draco didn't speak and he seemed to ponder something,

"Are you doing this for me?" he asked the question but he seemed edgy, in a way Hermione had never seen but she ignored it.

"No, I am doing it for him; I can't continue to string him along, not for another seven years". Draco sat up and reached for his wand that was in his jacket pocket. Hermione looked quizzically at him,

"What are you doing?" Draco ignored her question, pointed his wand at the ceiling and muttered an incantation and the ceiling transformed into a starry night sky. He placed his wand back inside his coat and moved closer to Hermione so her could put his arm around her and pull her against him, she freely moved into his embrace.

"It is raining; we can't do this outside so I am bringing the stars inside" Hermione kissed his bare chest and looked up at the ceiling that now had a shooting star moving across it.

* * *

"Hermione you are being unreasonable" Dean was yelling, she didn't normally see it but he had been doing it more and more recently.

"I am not, if anything I have never been more mature about anything in my life, this is the right thing to do".

"Dumping me for that moron is not a mature thing to do; in fact it is taking a step backwards". Hermione clenched her fists and breathed deeply, they had been going around in circles for twenty minutes now,

"Oh Godric Dean, it isn't like that but you know where my heart lies, you have always known that". Dean moved across his living room to be closer to her.

"And I am ok with that so why the need for this change" Hermione felt like screaming, it just wasn't going into his head.

"Because it isn't fair on you!"

"I will decide what is fair on me, I want to keep things the way they are, why do you suddenly feel the need to protect me, I am a grown man, and I can decide what is best for me". She lifted her hand up to his face and stroked his cheek,

"I don't want to do to your heart what he and I have done to each other's". He put his hand on top of hers and breathed in her scent. "I can't love another and I can't let that happen to you, I can't be the reason why in ten years time you are alone". Dean kissed her hand,

"What makes you think I will be alone?" she smiled weakly,

"Because I will never leave him and the longer you stay in this limbo with me the more likely it is that you will never get out".

* * *

Hermione was lazily reclined on Ron's sofa eating pumpkin tarts and sipping Butterbeer.

"God I miss Hogwarts" she said with a mouthful of tart, Ron nodded in agreement.

"I know right, all that food" Hermione laughed at his one track mind. "Eating this food just reminds me of the train journeys, remember when we all met, you told me my spell wasn't a real spell and that I was dirty, quite the charmer weren't you". Hermione started giggling again,

"I didn't say you were dirty, I said you had dirt on your nose, which you did". Ron smiled and leaned forward to pick a tart off the table, before he bit into it he spoke,

"So did you and Dean talk?" Hermione sighed and looked up at the ceiling,

"Yes, I suppose" Ron look confused,

"You suppose you talked?" Hermione wiggled around on the sofa to get more comfortable.

"I told him that we should stop our relationship, that we should be just friends but he wouldn't accept it, said that he was an adult and could decide for himself"

"But what do you want?"

"Well obviously I love being with him, he is a real dear friend and I would be perfectly happy not changing the relationship at all but it isn't fair on him so I thought that it was best that we stop it". Ron nodded,

"But he didn't like that idea and wants to keep things the way they are, even though eventually he will get very badly hurt".

"Basically, yes". Hermione sipped her drink and watched Ron think of something to say next. He bit his lip then looked at her,

"Well it seems to me that you have done all you can, you have tried to spare his feelings but if he wants to carry on seeing you and you are happy to do so then I say feel free, you should feel no guilt".

"Easier said than done though isn't it". Ron shrugged,

"Take a leaf out of my book". Hermione raised an eyebrow,

"The book of fuck anything that moves"

"Hasn't back fired so far" she barked with laughter,

"Bollocks hasn't it, if Harry wasn't your boss you would have been fired long ago, the amount of cat fights you have caused in the ministry between silly little office girls is insane".

"I don't see that as a downside" Hermione threw the rest of her tart at him,

"You're a pig" he laughed and ate the food she threw at him just to prove her point further.

* * *

May

She could barely register what she had even read, let alone how she came to be on his floor and walking to his office, her legs took over while her brain turned to mush. She entered without knocking and threw the paper that she was holding onto his desk. The headline glared at her in black and white making it more and more real.

"Explain" she spat out, tears already in her eyes, she didn't even care anymore. Draco rubbed his forehead and walked past her, shut the door and turned and lent against it. Hermione was shaking all over, her face was red and every thought that went through her mind was horrid.

"Hermione, you have to understand". His words just made her angrier and she spun and stared at him.

"UNDERSTAND!" she screamed, "UNDERSTAND WHAT, THAT YOU HAVE A WIFE". She was fuming and Draco had never seen her this angry, it unnerved him.

"Hermione please" he was whispering, begging almost for her to be quiet, to stop screaming. Her head turned violently to the side and she grabbed a large glass paperweight from his desk and launched it at his head, it missed by an inch and smashed against the wall behind him.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!" he moved towards her slowly hoping that she would not throw something else, hoping that she would let him move close to her.

"Listen to me and I will explain, please Hermione, just listen to me". Her nose was running and her eyes were sore, she was still shaking with rage but she didn't speak again so Draco took his chance. "Arcturus needs a mother, you couldn't fill that role, and I had to find someone that could". At this point Draco couldn't have said anything worse. Not only was he reminding her that she had chosen her career but that also this was partly her fault. She launched herself at him and started slapping his face and chest, pounding her fists against him and screaming, she wasn't forming words, just cries of anger. He went to hold her shoulders but she swiftly moved away and walked across the room so she was as far from him as possible. When she started laughing manically it worried him further.

"This is the worst thing you have ever done"

"I have been married before" Draco didn't quite understand why he was trying to reason with her, she was beyond rationally thought right now and talking back was not going to help at this time.

"THAT WAS DIFFFERENT AND YOU KNOW IT" every time she yelled she became breathless, all of her effort going into words that would hurt and punish him, "you were seventeen, you had no choice but to follow orders, you are an adult now". She was pacing the room, throwing her arms around and glaring at him. Draco realised what she was implying and had no choice but to correct her.

"I did not marry Astoria..."

"DON'T SAY HER NAME" she shrieked, Draco breathed slowly then continued,

"... I did not marry her on the orders of family, but she is a family friend and Arcturus loves her, she provided what I needed, that is all". Hermione laughed again, this time managing to sound even crueller.

"Bollocks. I bet daddy had everything to do with this little match, even now you do as he says, being a Pureblood bachelor didn't sit well with mummy dearest so off Draco goes and marries the first socially accepted whore he could find!" Draco restrained himself from going for her, he stopped himself from raising a hand, it would just add fuel to the fire.

"That isn't. The case" he spat out, he was tense and he kept clenching and unclenching his fists.

"How long?"

"How long what?" his anger now didn't allow for him to follow her erratic train of thought.

"How long have you been married?" Hermione stood still and waited for him to answer, she wanted to see his face, to see if he would lie because she would be able to tell.

"A year" Hermione's face dropped for an instant, anger was replaced by intense grief but she rectified it after a moment.

"A YEAR!". Draco was glad that it was late and everyone had gone home otherwise her screams would have alerted everyone what was going on. He nodded and closed his eyes briefly; he hated to see what he had done to her. "You have ruined whatever we had". At this his eyes flew open and he shook his head,

"This changes nothing" this declaration shocked her into silence for a moment, her mouth was slightly open.

"Are you insane, this changes everything, you married another woman"

"Only because you would not marry me!" she threw her arms in the air and her eyes widened.

"So this is your solution, I say no so you marry another; if the situation were reversed and I married Dean you would not accept that". Draco laughed and smirked,

"That is a completely different situation, you don't need a husband"

"YOU DON'T NEED A WIFE"

"NO BUT ARCTURUS NEEDS A MOTHER" his rage stunned her and she did not speak. She sniffed weakly and rubbed her eyes, they were bloodshot and her entire face was flushed. After a period she cleared her throat, it stung from all the shouting, and spoke quietly.

"I don't know how to move past this".

* * *

"Where have you been? It's 11pm" Dean asked, he sounded half worried half annoyed, he had assumed that she would be late but he had hoped she wouldn't need to be with him for too long. Hermione looked bad, her make-up was shot to hell and she looked like she hadn't slept for a week, she just walked into Dean's living room and practically fell onto the sofa, she felt empty.

"You had to know what you sent me would delay me" she croaked, Dean was suddenly overcome with a wave of guilt.

"Hermione, I am so sorry, I didn't think. I shouldn't have sent you that early copy of The Daily Prophet". Hermione shook her head,

"No, you did the right thing, I would rather see the headline before everyone else did, wouldn't want to be reading about his secret wife surrounded by everyone in the building, better that I know what's going to come out tomorrow". Dean sat next to her and took her hand,

"Yes but I should have told you, it was cruel of me to send the paper, I suppose part of me is angry that you still see him". Hermione was about to speak but Dean spoke over her, "I know I cannot change that, I came into this knowing exactly how it would end but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt". Hermione squeezed his hand and smiled weakly at him, he could tell even that took effort.

"I hate myself" she whispered, Dean quickly put his arm around her and pulled her close to him, he began shushing her,

"Don't be silly Hermione, you mustn't hate yourself"

"It's all my fault" Dean rocked her gently back and forth, he kissed the top of her head as she cuddled in close to him. She could feel Dean shaking his head but she carried on nonetheless. "I could have had him, properly I mean. I could have had him from the very beginning but I didn't want to give up on the future I wanted even though I knew he couldn't be in it. I rejected love twice for power, what does that say about me Dean, what's wrong with me?" Dean continued to hold her and waited until she fell asleep. As he laid her on the sofa and threw a blanket over her he didn't fully understand why he was still in this mess, the only thing that kept him coming back to her was that he loved her unconditionally but sometimes that didn't seem enough in moments like this.

* * *

It had been three days since the story of Draco and his marriage to Astoria Greengrass broke and Hermione was already growing tired of being surrounded; she made the decision to feign illness, ignore her work duties and meet Ginny in a local muggle pub. It was midday and already both women were drinking, Hermione out of necessity and Ginny just so Hermione wasn't alone in doing so.

"So when will you start talking to him again?" Ginny asked and her response was a bitter laugh from Hermione,

"I already have", Ginny was slightly surprised by the answer, she always knew Hermione would go back to him but she usually held out longer, punished him for whatever pain he had caused her. Hermione looked up from her drink and smirked at Ginny. "What? We both knew I would, why drag it out, I am simply too tired to play games now, he married another woman, so what, I have been a mistress before, I can do it again". Ginny cringed at her friend's bluntness, at her ability to be so blasé about the whole situation but more than anything she was saddened because this is what love had done to her.

"So is that what will happen now? You carry on as normal; pretend that he didn't lie to you for a year? For Godric sake Hermione, this is fucking ridiculous; I can't sit here and watch you drink yourself into a stupor because you have given up". Ginny pushed her chair away from the table and stood up, "you may be tired of playing games but I am tired of picking up the pieces. For thirty years now I have had to watch you and him going back and forth, hurting one another, unintentionally but also deliberately and I'm bored of it". Hermione didn't take her eyes off her drink, she swished it around in the glass and only when Ginny had finished her rant did Hermione look up,

"Leave then, if I am boring you" she spoke harshly, partly because she was drunk but also because she just didn't care anymore. Ginny clenched her jaw and lent down to be closer to Hermione,

"You will drive us all away, for him". She left Hermione alone nursing her bruised pride and wallowing in anger.

* * *

Draco almost had a heart attack when something appeared in his office and crashed into his bookcase.

"FUCK" he yelled and only when recognising the lump on his floor did he calm down. As he got to her she was already starting to get up but failing. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her up against him, she depended solely on him to remain upright. "Bloody hell Hermione, what the hell are you doing apparating in this state, you could have seriously hurt yourself". She swung her head up so she could look at him and viciously began poking him in the shoulder,

"They all gone, all of them" she was slurring so badly that he could barely understand her. "Because. Of. You". She poked him between every word.

"What are you talking about?" he may as well be talking to himself when she was like this. He scooped her up, walked across his office and placed her in an armchair. She slouched back in it but was still conscious, still able to insult him.

"All your fault, I hate you Draco Malfoy, I do, I do" Draco was knelt in front of her, he should never have believed her yesterday when she said she was over it, of course she wasn't over it, he knew she wasn't over it but he just wanted the easy way out, the cowards way out. "You have ruined me, ruined me for everyone else". He tried shushing her, tried getting her to drink water but she refused it all, and batted him away with her hand. "Dean" she called out, for a second Draco thought Dean had come into the room until she continued speaking, "Dean, poor poor Dean, never stood a chance, not against you, no one does". Her words were becoming more and more incomprehensible but he could still understand what she was saying. He realised that he should move her on the off chance that someone was still in the ministry, someone seeing her like this would not be good. He picked her back up again despite her protestations and transported them both to her house. He carried her up the stairs and into her bedroom. As he laid her down on her bed and let go she grabbed him,

"Stay" she mumbled, he almost didn't catch it but at the last moment heard what she had said. He decided to ignore it and pulled away from her grasp on his arm but she tightened her grip, "please" she whispered and her face was young and innocent again, it wasn't burdened by all the things they had done to one another, it was the face of the girl he had fallen in love with and he didn't have the power to refuse her. Draco got onto the bed and she put her head on his chest and he held her until they both fell asleep.

* * *

September

"I think you were right". Hermione was watching the television and not really paying attention to Dean,

"Right about what?" she didn't take her eyes off the screen.

"About us". Hermione made an 'O' shape with her mouth, switched off the television and turned to face him, crossing her legs and giving him her full attention.

"What about us?" Dean took her hands in his and she welcomed the contact, she smiled at him and there was genuine love in her eyes and he saw that.

"More about me, I'm saving myself". She nodded, "Seeing you after he told you about Astoria, realising that even that wouldn't make you leave him scared me because that could easily be me and I want to be able to get out".

"I understand"

"Right now I could be happy with someone else, I think I could cope with seeing you and him together and eventually it wouldn't drive me crazy, at the moment I can move on but a couple of years down the line and that may not be the case". Hermione lent over to him and kissed his cheek,

"I hope you can one day forgive me for everything", he smiled and savoured her scent and the way it felt when she was close to him.

"I already have" Hermione fought back tears as Dean softly brushed her cheek. Dean stood from the sofa and made his way towards the door, he stopped when he heard her whisper something softly,

"I wish you could save me"

"Me too".

Hermione and Ginny sat in their chairs looking into their laps whilst Ron and Harry rolled their eyes and sighed loudly.

"Come on, for the love of Godric" Ron yelled. They were all sat around Ginny and Harry's dining room table. Ron and Harry had brought them both here so they could make up but whilst the two women weren't arguing, they weren't speaking either.

"Just make up!" Harry sounded exasperated; he and Ron had both grown tired of their silly bickering.

"It isn't that simple" Ginny whispered furiously at her husband, Hermione still had not opened her mouth.

"Yes it is! You miss her" Harry argued against his wife,

"She misses you" Ron cut in, this getting a glare from Hermione that seemed to say traitor; he looked outraged, "What! You do miss her, you told me you miss her every day but Godric knows why you are telling me, you should be telling her!" Ron pointed across the table at Ginny. The four fell into silence for a moment then Ginny looked up slightly and spoke softly.

"Is it true? Do you miss me every day?" Hermione nodded and then suddenly burst into tears,

"Of course I do you idiot! You're my best friend!" Ginny then burst into tears,

"You're my best friend too" Both women stood and embraced each other over the table, crying loudly and leaving Ron and Harry sitting with them feeling like they were intruding. When they drew apart and sat back down again they were both smiling broadly and wiping their faces with their sleeves.

"Dean broke up with me" Hermione blurted out, suddenly realising she had so many things to tell Ginny, it felt strange that she hadn't spoken to her for months.

"I know, Harry told me" both their voices were still elevated and they were still sniffing, making everything sound more emotional than it should have done. "Are you ok?" Hermione nodded vigorously,

"Yes, I am actually. I will miss him, I honestly do love him but it wasn't fair to him and I am glad he wants to move on". Ginny clasped Hermione's hands across the table and they were both still smiling goofily at one another. Harry and Ron stood from the table,

"Right, now you two are both in love again because Ron and I saved the day and feel we deserve a drink". Ginny and Hermione laughed as the two men left the room and headed into the kitchen.

"So you are ok with Dean, how about Draco?" Hermione tensed and Ginny panicked for a moment,

"I have been thinking" Ginny looked a little concerned, "I shouldn't talk about Draco". Ginny went from being concerned to hurt and Hermione saw immediately her mistake, "no no Ginny, I don't say this because I don't trust you or because I don't want to tell you things, I just feel that I shouldn't always be complaining about my life, about what he has done because when it all comes down to it I chose this life. I chose to be with him even though I know that it will hurt most of the time". Ginny nodded,

"I understand, I do, but if something happens and you feel you need to talk about it..."

"I will come straight to you, I promise".

* * *

Hermione softly stroked the hair of the man currently laying his head in her lap. He looked up and smiled slowly; she looked down at him and returned the look.

"Did we ever have a chance of leading a life that wouldn't be full of obstacles and drama?" she asked, full well knowing the answer, she just liked to sometimes ponder the question.

"Hardly, with my family and your love of stubbornness and anger we would have always had problems". She slapped him on the forehead and he laughed,

"I do not have a love of stubbornness and anger, I merely query your ridiculous decisions because let's face it, you have had a few". He laughed again,

"Would you trade it all?" Hermione looked a little confused,

"What, trade this life for a much simpler version, most definitely!" Draco shook his head,

"No, would you trade me for someone less complicated, would you trade the life you have led with me for a life you could have had with someone else, say Dean?"

"Not for a second". She leant down and kissed him gently, "my life would never have been half as interesting if it wasn't for you".

"But the pain I have caused you"

"It hasn't all been one sided"

"So you don't regret anything?"

"I can't regret you, you're my life"


End file.
